Losing Neverland
by eena-angel2001
Summary: “They had made her grow up well before she wanted to-and for that reason alone she knows that she can never truly forgive them.” Fangirl meets reality-and it sucks. Macy-centric.
1. Growing Up

Title: Growing Up

Series Title: Losing Neverland

Author: Eena

Rating: 15

Disclaimer: Disney owns all.

Spoilers: JONAS Season 1 (general spoilers)

Summary: "They had made her grow up well before she wanted to-and for that reason alone she knows that she can never truly forgive them." Fangirl meets reality-and it sucks. Macy-centric.

~Growing Up~

She knows that the one thing that teenagers hate above all other things is when they think they're being treated like children. She understands the sentiment-there's nothing worse than the roiling rage that stirs in your belly when you think someone's talking down to you. She used to feel the same way and heaven help the person who had thus offended Macy Misa (she was a nationally ranked athlete with a steady position on the school honour roll-what possible excuse could a person have for talking down to her?). And she would have continued on feeling that way if it hadn't been for The Incident (traumatic life events need to be capitalized).

_Look, we know she's awful. But she's a friend and we said we'd let her record._

It occurred to her, not long after The Incident (meaning once she had stopped running around and sobbing like a lunatic), that though teenagers love to think of themselves as little mini-adults, they were in fact closer to being children than they would ever admit willingly. She knows this because while she's moping around in her room, post-Incident, her eyes soak up the world she's created for herself. Some people say that there's nothing as scary as a teenage fan-girl, and for once she knows what they're talking about. There's something unsettling about the sheer depth of her obsession with JONAS that had never occurred to her before. Her room was a shrine to all things JONAS, even at the expense of the constant and irreplaceable things in her life (she used to have a family picture framed on her desk-she replaced it with a JONAS snapshot ages ago). It never bothered her before now, and she might have chalked it up to bitterness if the oncoming epiphany hadn't smacked her right across the face.

Teenagers were plagued by a child-like faith in all things impossible.

_We're not even going to use it on the CD anyway._

Teenagers weren't just obsessive with the things they liked-they were delusional as well. It wasn't so much the thing itself than the ideal it represented. Epic love stories brought out the inner dreams of every young girl out there (and the gorgeous sparkling men were just bonuses that sealed the deal). Reading about rich girls on the Upper East Side allowed normal girls to live vicariously through a fake group of celebutantes that were fabulous and sophisticated every step of their lives. And musical groups with heaps of love songs that every girl imagined were just for her created the illusion of a relationship that was never real to begin with (this increases exponentially with the degree of cuteness of aforementioned musical groups). She was sure it was the same with guys and their sci-fi/comic book/gaming things.

All these obsessions allowed teenagers to create a fantasy world in which everything was idealistic and impossibly perfect (the modern day Never-Never-Land). These obsessions lived only through the sheer faith of the teenagers that created them and the false idols could only be maintained through the unwavering, unquestioning love of those crazy fans. And it was that child-like faith that allowed teenagers to adore those things that in reality were less idealistic than they thought and nowhere near as perfect as they imagined.

_We know Macy isn't the greatest singer. As soon as we were finished recording we're going to erase her voice and no one will ever have to hear her singing again. We were just trying to get through this without hurting her feelings._

She wasn't usually this introspective, and she found that she didn't like it one bit. But it was inevitable now, because of The Incident and how it shattered those fairy-tale ideals that she had wrapped around herself in the midst of her fangirl frenzy. And the more she thought about it, the harder the realizations became. All those things she had believed in, all those fantasies she had indulged in (because those boys were too cute not to give her a fantasy or two . . . hundred) were based on a reality that she had conjured out of thin air. It wasn't their fault she had thought them perfect, worshipped at their feet like they were some modern day Greek gods brought to life. It wasn't their fault that she had dreamt of how they would be long before she ever met them face-to-face. And it certainly wasn't their fault that she had created for them a higher set of standards than they could never hope to achieve.

Life had been better when they were fantasies, dancing and rocking out just beyond the reach of her fingertips. Back then they had been perfect examples of what boys were meant to be: cute, romantic, and emotionally mature to a point that could make any girl swoon. And now, now that she had touched them, felt them underneath her fingertips, and heard them speak; it became all too clear that they weren't who she thought they were. They were, by no fault of their own, nothing more than three teenage boys who lied, sputtered, and made mistakes that were more hurtful than innocent.

_I want to apologize. I really didn't want to hurt your feelings and made it way worse._

Hearing them talk about her singing like that had been a slap in the face. First she wasn't sure what she was hearing, but it became clear pretty quickly. Her first muddled thoughts were of Stella and how she knew that this was her friend's fault. After all, who had told her that her singing was great to begin with? But then she remembered that Stella was a friend who had always smiled and nodded along while she sang, but never pushed her to try her hand at it seriously. A little white lie that had been told to spare her best friend hurt, but Stella would have never gotten her into a situation where she could humiliate herself in front of others (music industry others at that).

Afterwards, fumbling to her house with tears blinding her way, she knew it wasn't just that they had lied to spare her feelings. That part was understandable (she doesn't like hurting people's feelings either). But what got to her was the sheer extent that they were willing to go to in order to avoid having to tell her the truth. They would have erased her voice afterwards and just let her carry on telling people that she was on backup for their new CD because they didn't want to deal with an emotional sixteen year old girl. And she would have gone on, telling her fan club members and pretty much anyone that would listen that she had been on the CD. It would have only been a matter of time before she would open her mouth to demonstrate her skill . . . and then she would have found more profound and long-lasting embarrassment when everyone discovered the truth that she hadn't been smart enough to realize on her own. The thought of all those potential mocking laughs and jeering faces made her sick to her stomach.

They hadn't done it to be mean. They had done it because they were too cowardly to deal with her on their own. And the realization that her idols were less ideal and perfect than she had imagined them to be was like having a bandage ripped off violently and without warning. She looked around her room and saw all those things she had loved with new eyes. And one by one, all those fantasies warped, contorted, and fell down at her feet-deformed and imperfect in ways she hadn't seen before. Those things she had believed in before, the aspects about them that she had loved at face value, shredded right before her eyes and she finally became that mini-adult she had always imagined herself to be.

She looked to her DVD collection and realized that Robert Pattison was beautiful, but he was playing the role of a monster that was in a constant inner struggle to not kill his wide-eyed trusting girlfriend. Her bookshelf was laughable because she imagined all those Upper East side rich girls texting away to Gossip Girl, and failing high school because they couldn't possibly have time to study and do homework with all the *ahem* extracurricular activities in which they participated. And her posters, well they were a homage to a boy band who, for all their pretty poetry, were still nothing more than three adolescent boys.

_ I should have been straight up with you from the beginning. I'm so sorry I wasn't._

She knew it wasn't their fault, but she couldn't help the anger that came the night of The Incident. She tossed and turned, unable to fall into that dream world that usually awaited her during sleep. There were no more fantasies of sparkling men who pledged eternity (who was she to demand eternity from anyone? She was sixteen for crying out loud!). There were no more make-believe shopping sprees in New York (she would never spend more than forty dollars on a pair of jeans, so why bother pretending?). And there were certainly no more fairy-tales with three interchangeable Prince Charmings, all equipped with love ballads to make her swoon (because face it, they never even knew she existed when they wrote those songs).

In the morning there were no more tears, just deep-seated resignation that wasn't supposed to exist within a happy, bubbly teenage girl. She doesn't have to check her phone to know that she missed numerous calls last night (the boys would have called Stella to clean up their mess because they obviously weren't good at doing it themselves). She changed into her uniform, pasted a fake grin on her face to get by her parents, and finally called Stella on her way to school. She tuned out the anxious apologies given on the behalf of the Lucas boys and assures her best friend that she is fine (which of course only alerts her best friend to the reality of her misery because that's what best friends do). There's a chocolate bar and a hug waiting for her at her locker and Macy feels herself give a short-lived smile (the first since The Incident).

She's the picture of devastation as she navigates the hallways that day. She can feel eyes on her back and is only reassured by the fact that none of her schoolmates would know the true reason for her bleak mood (they would be terrified of letting out the news of what they had done to a devoted fan-might reflect badly on them). He approaches her just before the end of lunch and she can see his apprehension a mile away. His apology is sincere and heartfelt and she feels some of the bitterness sweep away. He was (they all were), at the end of the day, just a boy who made a bad choice.

And so she smiles for him and nodded her head, letting him think that all is forgiven and she's touched by his honesty and caring. He doesn't know that while she's standing there, assuring him everything is fine, that she's mentally making a list of things to do before the day is done. She smiled at him and thinks that after school she will take down all their pictures from her locker. He shoots her a relieved look and she plans on de-JONAS-ifying all her notebooks. They share a laugh and she knows by tomorrow she will have handed over leadership of her fanclub to her vice-president and offer up ownership of her website to anyone who was willing to take it.

The bell rings and he gives her a cheerful goodbye and she reasons that telling everyone her sudden loss of interest in JONAS is due to real life will lead people to think that she's too busy with school, sports, and work to spare anymore time to her favourite boy band. And as she walked into class and slid into a chair (as far away from a Lucas brother that she can get without actually being in the hallway) she knows that no one will ever guess that 'real-life' actually meant reality and that she was done worshipping a group of boys who were as disappointingly juvenile as all other boys her age. And as she scribbled notes down while her English Lit teacher drones on and on about _Romeo and Juliet_, she realized that she lied to Kevin about accepting his apology.

They had made her grow up well before she wanted to-and for that reason alone she knows that she can never truly forgive them.

~*~

A/N: A little depressing, I know, but I promise that I'm going somewhere good with this.


	2. Trading Up

~Trading Up~

It took the boys three weeks to figure out that she hadn't quite forgiven them. As a true testament to how vastly different boys and girls were, it should be noted that it took Stella all of three seconds in Macy's company to realize the same thing. That the Lucas boys remained oblivious for such a drastically longer time just reaffirmed her revelation from before; they were no better than any other boy at Horace Mantis Academy.

But that was okay, because she was so over that sort of thing now. She was looking at the world with fresh (and non-JONAS obsessed) eyes and she found that there was a lot of stuff she had been missing. There was good literature out there besides Gossip Girl, there were movies out there far more thought-provoking than Twilight, and there were definitely better bands than JONAS out there. She might have been upset at the initial destruction of her happy teenager fairy-tale world, but she might actually owe the Lucas brothers for opening her eyes (but the likelihood of that happening was slim at best).

It wasn't easy going from fangirl to adult, and there were quite a few speedbumps along the way. After she had packed up all the reminders of her more youthful dalliances (pulled down the JONAS posters, boxed up the GG novels, and gave her copy of Twilight to her younger sister) her room became painfully bare. She had managed to replace the family picture on her desk with a more recent one, but other than that, there was nothing in the room that told the tale of who she had become. And it wasn't going to be easy creating that tale since she wasn't quite sure who she had become since The Incident.

It was painfully obvious (well, to her anyway-Stella didn't get it) that she couldn't go back into mainstream teenager culture. There was no way she could look at all those things the same way again. Whereas her eyes used to stop and focus on the visual images presented to her, her brain couldn't help pushing past the illusions on top and seeing the truth underneath. All of it was based upon those teenager ideals that she distanced herself from and she just couldn't enjoy any of the things other kids her age enjoyed.

She had grown up before her time. And while that sucked (and it did suck-big time) she wasn't just going to wallow in misery. Macy Misa was pushing forward with life and she was going to discover all those things beyond her cocoon of JONAS songs and Robert Pattison's dreamy eyes (hey, being an adult didn't change facts-the boy was gorgeous). Adults didn't buy into all this young adult stuff that flooded the markets; they had other, more important things, with which to occupy their times. And Macy was going to join them.

She tackled movies first, and that was a lot harder than she thought it would be. She went to the movie store and instead of browsing the blockbusters, she looked through all the critically acclaimed stuff (because all those critics were adults and that meant all adults liked these kinds of movies-right?). Some of the stuff looked great on the cover, but the reality was much different. _The Curious Case of Benjamin Button_ had a really cool premise, but it was way too long and kind of boring from the middle onwards (not to mention that Brad Pitt looked creepy as hell all wrinkled and stooped like that). She attempted _Revolutionary Road_ next, and abandoned it about half an hour in (that couple had serious problems and she wasn't really interested in seeing them self-destruct). _Slumdog Millionaire_ was actually pretty cool, but seeing all those slums and poor kids in India made her feel guilty. She was having a lot of trouble finding something to suit her tastes (adult as they were now) when the movie clerk finally took pity on her and recommended a few things. _Juno_ was an awesome movie, even if she wasn't sure how she felt about the ending, and _Duplicity_ was seriously funny.

Literature was also an issue. Originally she thought that she would tackle the classics, but she gave up on that pretty soon. _Great Expectations_ wasn't a bad novel, but the words were tough and it was really long (and Miss Havisham was really creepy-even though Macy totally felt for her because of what that rotten Compeyson had done to her). She wasn't going to try Shakespeare (she got enough of that during English Lit) and Chaucer was out of the picture because it was in another language (they could put Old, Middle, or whatever they wanted in front, but nothing could convince her that it was at all English). She figured she wasn't one of those mature people who liked to dwell in times past, so she tried her hand at a few recent bestsellers. The Dan Brown novels were cool (even though some of the descriptions went on too long and she suspected that Mr. Brown couldn't write a proper action scene to save his life) and that was when Macy discovered that she liked mysteries. Pretty soon that lead her to the Bones series of books by Kathy Reichs and suddenly Macy was in literary heaven.

However, her enthusiasm over her literary discoveries were short-lived, because next came music. For the longest time, all she ever listened to were JONAS songs. And now that she had grown past that, she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to listen to. Lady Gaga was interesting, but her songs were too repetitive for Macy's liking (not to mention that she dressed very weird). Hip-hop was out because that just wasn't her thing. She tried listening to some Adult Pop and Classics, but those just weren't for her. She found a couple of Taylor Swift songs that she liked, but she couldn't find anything that would fill the JONAS void left on her I-Pod.

It bugged her that she couldn't find something musical to replace JONAS (especially since that was the first thing she had wanted to replace-for obvious reasons). But she figured she had only been JONAS-free for a few weeks and that eventually something would come along. Meanwhile, she could focus on indulging herself in her more matured theatrical and literary tastes. And she had been able to do that just fine for about a week after The Incident. It probably had something to do with Stella's attention being preoccupied by Van Dyke Tosh and Joe Lucas. But after she was done humiliating Joe for what he had done to ruin her date (Macy still thinks Stella let him off easy for that whole stunt-but then again, Macy's been pretty negative about anything JONAS related since The Incident, so she kept her opinion to herself), Stella quickly butted herself back into Macy's business with the good intentions of a best friend.

Stella had a lot to say about Macy's new outlook on life. And most of it wasn't all that encouraging. There was a lot of not-so-subtle hints that Macy should calm down and try to reassess the situation. Just because JONAS had stomped all over her dreams (and her heart) with their careless actions, it didn't mean that Macy had to give up everything she loved to get back at them.

Macy took offence with that statement. She wasn't doing any of this to get back at JONAS. She just didn't care about JONAS the way she had before. And all of this was just a slight attitude adjustment because Macy had reached that crucial point in every girl's life when she must decide if she is to stay a girl or become a woman.

Stella told her to stop quoting old Britney songs and just deal with it already.

"You're just as obsessed with this whole being-a-mature-adult thing as you were with JONAS. Trading one obsession for another does not mean progress Macy."

There was some truth to her words. Macy had tackled this new, more mature Macy persona with a dedication that might frighten others. And true she had turned her back on all the things she had loved before, and not as gracefully as she could have. There were incidences in which some of her peers might start gushing about one of her past indulgences only to be interrupted by Macy delivering a speech on the evils of the mass-produced-teenage-culture. She might have tried pushing her new interests onto others close to her (Stella had taken one look at _Angels and Demons_ and asked Macy how this behemoth novel could ever be considered light reading). And she did develop a habit of scowling fiercely whenever the topic of JONAS was brought up before forcefully demanding a change in the subject.

Stella was just being a good friend by bringing up something about Macy's behaviour that was a concern. And if Macy had been in any sort of rational state of mind, she would have graciously accepted the criticism and taken everything under advisement. But the wounds of The Incident were still too fresh and Macy opted to indulge in petty behaviour rather than mature consideration.

Calling Stella on her texting fetish had been a distraction tactic. But watching the other girl become so defensive so fast, Macy couldn't help but feel her hackles rising. She gazed into Stella's eyes and saw the friendly (if not intensely fierce) challenge there. Before she realized what was happening, she had agreed to a bet: Stella would abstain from texting while Macy stopped flaunting her new maturity every chance she got. It was a contest of wills, just to see who could last the longest. And it was really hard. Stella went a bit crazy with the phantom texting and Macy had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting out 'mature revelations' (Stella needed to stop being so sarcastic-and to stop naming things) so often that it was sore for two whole days after.

Of course the bet overshadowed over events going on at Horace Mantis that week (namely Joe's utterly insane obsession with the cello girl). Had Macy and Stella not been competing at the time, she might have pointed out that this was a perfect opportunity to teach Joe a lesson (she wasn't being petty at all). But the bet had become a point of pride. So even when she came across the very same boys who were to blame for the whole affair (okay, so she was a tad petty) she forcefully stamped down the urge to turn tail and run. While the boys had obviously been ignorant of her drastic change in lifestyle, they did manage to clue in that that day in front of the stairs had been the first time any of the Lucas brothers had seen Macy Misa since the day after The Incident.

"Macy!" It would be Kevin who greeted her so happily after everything that had happened. "Where have you been?"

There wasn't a way to answer that without losing the bet. There was no way she could explain to them that she had avoided crossing their paths for the past three weeks because the sight of them made her blood boil. She couldn't explain away her absence by enlightening them on how she had overhauled her life (for the better) ever since they had shattered her JONAS-obsessed heart with their carelessness. She couldn't explain how she had tricked a freshman into changing lockers with her so she wouldn't have to see them every day in between classes. She couldn't explain how she was nearly late to almost all her classes because she always waited until the first tones of the final bell had rung so she could slide into a seat as far away from any Lucas brother that might share that particular class. Overall, there was no way for her to convey the sheer significance of the life-altering decisions Macy had made every day since they had shown her how cruel even the boys of JONAS could be.

Luckily Stella had her mental breakdown just at that moment. The Lucas brothers were too busy being amused by their bedraggled, texting-deprived friend to notice that Macy had slipped off with giving Kevin an answer. She could leave the gloating for later (and in a JONAS-free environment); right now she had to escape. Even though Stella had broken first, Macy still had too much pride to lose it in front of those three boys.

The day passed much like any other of the past three weeks (excluding the Bet Days). She felt freer than ever before and rattled on and on about her 'mature revelations' to all those people who had probably heard it all before. Stella was teased mercilessly in between classes and during the last half of the lunch break (the first half Stella had spent at the JONAS table-enough said). By study period she had pretty much forgotten about her JONAS close-shave. She was happy enough to be in the library (even though the librarian kept shushing her every time she tried to start in on a 'mature revelation' to a classmate). She had little homework and enough time before the next batch of tests that she felt comfortable using the period as leisure time.

Of course, truly mature people don't just waste leisure time. They use that time to try and enrich or better themselves. Macy had heard that somewhere (she's not sure where-but it sounded true enough) and she thought she could do the same. There wasn't much time for self-betterment (an hour is not long enough for true soul-searching) but she could take the time to learn something new. Her new literary favourites had opened her up to a whole slew of facts and histories that she had never known before. She was particularly interested in the whole Knights Templar thing Dan Brown brought up in _The Da Vinci Code_. She knew that everything Mr. Brown wrote wasn't necessarily as historically accurate as it could be (her mother had told her as such) but he still piqued her interest with his description of the Knights Templar. There was so much history and so much mystery about them that Macy couldn't help being curious. So off she went during study period, pulling down books on the Middle Ages and the Crusades and searching for more information on Templars. She had slapped a couple large reference books on her chosen workspace and was perusing her first text silently when everything she had been working on for the past three weeks came crashing down around her.

"You've been avoiding us."

She had jumped when she heard his voice. She couldn't help it; she was surprised. Not just by the intrusion, but by the culprit. She gave the librarian a quick glare, noting how the woman had no trouble with him speaking in her library while Macy wasn't allowed so much as a whisper (okay, maybe it was louder than a whisper, but still-double standards much?).

"Not talking to me won't change the fact that I'm here."

There wasn't a safe way out of this conversation, so she opted not to say anything. And as he said, not talking didn't change the fact that he was there. In fact, it only made him increase his stay. She watched with sullen eyes as he pulled up a chair and settled down, fixing her with smug look (it was actually smug-this was not just her pettiness talking).

"You're avoiding us," he continued to say, as if it didn't matter that she didn't want him here (it probably didn't matter to him). "You don't say hi in the halls, if we ever see you in the halls, which we don't nowadays. You swapped lockers so now yours is down by the gym and pretty far from us. And you never sit right behind me in English Lit anymore, even though you used to threaten anyone who took that seat before you. My brothers might not have caught onto the situation as quickly as me, but even they'll get it sooner or later. You're still mad."

He was still smug. She wanted to throw a book at him. But she couldn't, because that would just reaffirm all his suspicions and Macy would end up looking like a petulant child instead of the new, mature adult that she was.

She gave him a strained smile and squeezed out an awkward laugh. The librarian shushed her almost immediately. Macy swallowed a sharp retort and tried to save face. "I've just been busy," she whispered, eyes on the librarian lest she be shushed again (and it saved her from having to look him in the eye). "You know, sports, school, and work stuff."

He seemed unconvinced. "Your locker?"

"I wanted one closer to the gym so it would be easier getting to practice after school."

"You begged, bribed, and threatened your way into getting a locker in the small hall as us, and then you just gave it up? Just like that?"

Shoot. She had forgotten that he knew that.

"And what about the whole sitting on the opposite side of the room? You never used to do that."

He was sharp. She would give him that. Out of all three boys, he was the one with the reputation for brains. He wrote the songs, made the plans, and provided solutions to any problems they faced. She knew that about him. And because she knew that about him, she also knew that the whole idiotic plan they concocted during The Incident had been his idea. Who else would come up with a plan like that? Kevin couldn't be that devious to save his life. And Joe-well, Joe was too abrupt to be that subtle (and the whole Fashion 911 thing during Stella's date showed that he lacked the ability to scheme under pressure). But Nick-well, he was too smart for his own good. So smart that he didn't even consider the possibility that his genius plan could go south (not very bright for a smart boy, huh?).

She felt her anger rising. There was a way to deal with this gracefully, but she was cornered and she didn't like it. He caught her in a delicate position, where all her carefully thought out excuses meant nothing because he had an answer for each one. Macy Misa doesn't like being outplayed; and she definitely didn't like being outdone by a JONAS (well, recently she doesn't like being outdone by a JONAS).

"You know what Nick? Not everything is about you."

Her voice is venomous, probably more than she intended it to be. He's dropped the smug look and now just looks stunned. She quickly realized that this was the first time she had ever been less than adoring to a JONAS and he didn't have a response at hand. He had just expected her to fold under the weight of his celebrity, and she might have done so in the past, but not now. She was too angry, too hurt, and far too adult to melt into a little puddle of JONAS adoration ever again.

The bell rang before he could pull himself together for another tactic. She didn't give him any more time. She swept her notebooks into her bag, left her selected books on the table in front of her (the librarian would ream her out for sure tomorrow), and ran out into the halls before he could blink. She was deeply upset, angry at his nerve and furious at her own childish response. Things had been going so well before he decided to try and meddle in her business. She fumed as she remembered the smug look on his face when he attempted to back her into a corner. She didn't owe him an explanation, not at all.

She was Macy Misa, ex-fangirl extraordinaire, and JONAS-free adult. And she was damn sure going to stay that way.

~*~


	3. Giving Up

~Giving Up~

The rest of the day had done little to improve Macy's mood. Though there had only been one more class that day (a Jonas-free Biology class no less) the altercation in the library had left her rattled and snappish. She wasn't sure what her lab partner had done to make her so angry, and in hindsight, it probably wasn't as serious an issue as she made it out to be. Mr. Perkins was unimpressed with her attitude (and the fact that she made a sixteen year old boy faint from fear). She had detention after school.

Detention with Mr. Perkins isn't necessarily such a bad thing. He was a pretty cool teacher and he seemed more concerned than angry that day. There were some mentions about the recent changes in her behaviour (were they really that obvious-or had she gone off at the mouth once too often?) and genuine worry for her mental welfare. He kept her for fifteen minutes, reminded her that there were people always willing to listen (like she was going to the guidance counsellor with this), and then shooed her out the door so she could make it to her field hockey game.

Coach hadn't been happy that she had detention, even though it only made her miss five minutes of warmup. There was some more raised eyebrows and heavy-handed comments on how much she had changed in the last three weeks that Macy just tuned out. While she was sure that as adults her teachers could appreciate (and maybe celebrate) the maturity that she had fostered ever since The Incident, there was something like pity in their eyes when they talked to her about it. Coach was saying something about not having to grow up so fast when Macy zoned out. When she came back to attention, Coach looked disappointed and just muttered something about how she wished they had picked another school (Macy sometimes wished the same thing).

Coach's disappointment was way worse than her concern. Macy didn't like disappointing anyone, especially not Coach. The woman was her mentor, helped her plan out her athletic schedule so that she could fit in all her sports and still have time for academics and a personal life. Coach was proud of her, not just as a star athlete, but as an inspiration to all the younger girls at Horace Mantis (this had been revealed during Coach's introduction of Macy at the Homecoming Pep Rally-it made her cry-but good tears, not angry ones). That something she had done, now that she was more mature than before, had disappointed Coach was not an easy pill to swallow. Macy had figured that people would appreciate her moving past her stalker-like adoration of The-Boy-Band-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named (okay, she didn't like them but she was sticking with JONAS-the other thing took to long to say). But ever since she had given up her fangirl ways, people seemed sadder and less enthused than she imagined they would be.

Wasn't this what everyone wanted? Hadn't they kept telling her to calm down and think of JONAS as regular people? She had done that, finally, and now everyone was still so negative. It was unfair. And totally hypocritical. And it sucked that she felt bad for somehow letting people down by doing what she thought they had wanted her to do.

Her focus was not on the match when it began. Coach's disappointed combined with Nick's ambush had left her angry and in a whirlwind of emotions. She had been on the field for all of two minutes when two members of the opposing pushed past her and proceeded to score. Coach shouted at her from the sidelines, something about getting her head into the game. And she might have shaken it off and gotten down to the nitty-gritty of the game if it hadn't been for what those two members of the other team did.

As they celebrated their goal, the smaller of the two had run by her and spouted out something less than sportsmanlike. Her partner-in-crime followed seconds later and then they joined their goalie at the far end in laughing at her openly.

That's when Macy Misa lost it.

She was an excellent athlete (and she wasn't boasting-she was very good). But usually she was also pretty gracious. If she had the game in the bag, she pulled her team back a little to give the other team some space to breathe. Coach liked this about her, said she appreciated an athlete who could win games and not feel the need to rub in other people's faces. Macy agreed with her Coach. When you know the other team can't possibly come back to win, it wasn't cruel to keep pushing forward aggressively. Winning by five points was better than winning by fifty-because at least it showed that it was a well-matched game. And while she knew that not many other teams shared her philosophy, she didn't like grinding her opponents into the ground just to prove that she could.

Usually she didn't like to do that. Today just wasn't her day. Or should she say, it wasn't _their_ day.

Macy didn't lead her team to victory that day. She led her team to a soul-shattering victory over their opposition. She didn't want to defeat the team-she wanted to annihilate them. Their taunts combined with the rest of her crappy day just made something inside of Macy snap. During the break Coach suggested that she pull back just a bit. That only made her work harder. That day, on that field, Macy Misa destroyed her competition without thought or care. She lost count of how many times she scored, lost count of how many jeers she gave the losing team, and just kept on beating them down even when there was very little left to beat.

Her last goal came just before the final whistle. The goalie had tried her best to stop it, had tried her best to stop all of them, but Macy wasn't going to be denied. Not today. The other girl dove frantically to stop the ball, but it sailed just beyond her fingers. She fell to the ground in a heap, laying there even past the final whistle, past the congratulatory huddle Macy's teammates gave her, and well past the normal time it took one to recover from such a fall. Macy's anger stifled a bit when she thought the other girl was hurt. But then the goalie began to stir and very slowly she raised her head.

Her eyes were full of unshed tears. Frustration and self-loathing burned in those unfamiliar green eyes. She blamed herself for this loss. She blamed herself for not being good enough. But it wasn't her fault. Macy was the one who made it so personal. Macy was the one who wouldn't let it go. Macy was the one who wanted to murder the other team and succeeded in destroying their goalie.

And then Macy Misa started to feel like crap.

If Coach had been disappointed before, there had to be a stronger word for what she was now. Macy hung her head, ashamed even though they had won the game. She couldn't look Coach in the eyes, couldn't celebrate with her teammates; she couldn't enjoy this one bit. What she had done on that field hadn't been about the game. She had done it to make others feel bad about themselves because her day had been bad. It wasn't a gracious win; it was classless, and everyone who saw that game knew it.

She had almost wanted to skip the handshake (she was just too ashamed). But Coach would never let her and she knew a refusal to shake hands would only be interpreted as another insult to their opponents. She took her place in the back of the line (captains always brought up the rear) and mechanically shook hands with the other team. It wasn't until she was face-to-face with the goalie that Macy actually met another person's eyes. She almost wished she hadn't, because that same self-disgust and frustration was still there. She gripped the girl's hand harder than she needed to, forcing her to meet her eyes.

"Good game," she said, and meaning it. "And I'm sorry. That wasn't about you."

The other girl was weary, but the sincerity in Macy's voice couldn't be denied. She nodded to accept the apology and Macy could almost see the different scenarios she conjured up to explain what Macy had meant. Maybe she was Macy as having come off an argument with her mother, her boyfriend, or someone else close to her. Maybe she saw Macy as having a bad day, failing a few tests and doing something to get her on the school's naughty list. Or maybe she just imagined that it was that time of the month and Macy was dealing with a monumentally emotional case of PMS. Whatever she thought, it didn't matter. Macy had done her best to make it right. And after all that had happened, it was the best that could have been said.

Coach seemed a little less upset with her as she jogged back to the bench. She grabbed her water bottle, keeping her head down to let her teammates know that she wasn't quite ready for interaction just yet. She honestly didn't think she would make it to any post-victory celebration. After what she had done here today, all Macy wanted to do was climb under her covers and have a good cry.

It was after she had slung her gym bad over her shoulder, intent on making for the showers, that she saw him. He had on the standard disguise of baseball cap and shades, but after all this time she was pretty sure she could pick any of them out even in full on clown makeup. She couldn't see his eyes, but she saw the set of his chin and the way his lips were pressed tightly together. He had seen everything and he felt the same way about her actions as she did. It should have made her feel bad. But as was the case nowadays, the sight of him just made her angry.

She stomped over the other team's bench and before anyone could question her, she pointed his way and shouted as loudly as she could:

"OH MY GOD! IT'S NICK LUCAS OF JONAS!"

There was a second of silence as everyone followed her pointing finger. He looked startled, taking off his shades to cast a fearful eye around him. Just before all hell broke loose, he met her eyes again. And for the third time today, Macy Misa saw disappointment in the eyes of another.

There was a cacophony of screams that pierced the air just seconds before a flood of girls streamed his way. He hopped off the bleachers and tore off towards the school without so much as a manly yelp. He was a fast runner and no doubt he would lose them or find Big Man before any of the girls caught him. It should have been funny to see him run away with a pack of crazy fangirls on his heels. But Macy had done too much today to be appeased by the sight of a JONAS in peril.

As she made her way to the locker room (she didn't bother looking at Coach this time) it occurred to her that this was the first time that any member of JONAS had come to one of her games. Not only that, but this was the first time Nick had ever appeared at a school-related event. If she had been ashamed before, she was just plain depressed now.

She had wanted him to leave her alone with her mature new ways. But as Macy reflected on the things she had done (and what seemed like a day-long tantrum she had thrown), it became painfully clear that Macy Misa was as far away from maturity as a person could get.

~*~

It was all over now. She could tell. He had probably told his brothers what he knew. Joe would have called Stella and then her friend would have reluctantly spilled the beans. Kevin would be horrified, Joe perplexed, and Nick fed up (because she had been unneccessarily mean to him yesterday). She knew from the moment that she woke up that day that she would have to do the one thing she had been avoiding for the past three weeks: talk to JONAS.

She almost stayed home that day. But she knew she couldn't put this off forever (and her mother didn't buy her sick-act for one second). She pulled on a clean uniform, packed up her bag, and sulked off to school. And though she knew what was coming, she also knew that she wasn't ready to face it willingly. She arrived at school far eariler than normal, turned off her cell so Stella couldn't reach her, and hid out until the first bell. Her normal JONAS avoiding tactics worked well for the first half of the day. But come lunch time there was nothing she could do.

And that was because all three Lucas brothers, along with Stella, were stationed outside her classroom door, waiting for her to leave. She saw them lurking behind the door and briefly contemplated hiding. But Mrs. Rolands wasn't a particularly amicable teacher and probably wouldn't let Macy eat her lunch hiding under the teacher's desk.

She left the classroom, purposefully not looking any of them in the eyes. They trailed after her quietly. They approached the atrium and she briefly contemplated running (not like they could catch her-she was all-star in track) when Stella finally grabbed her by the arm and pushed her into the courtyard.

She made no noise of protest, just collapsed onto a bench and proceeded to stare at her shoes with avid interest. Stella stood next to her, hand on her shoulder as if to cut off any plans of escape through the sheer force of her presence. Joe and Kevin took a seat on the bench across from her while Nick just leaned against the far wall.

There was a period of awkward silence that was broken only when Kevin broke under the pressure.

"Macy! Please, please, please, please, please forgive us! We're really sorry. We're still sorry. We'll never do it again-"

"Macy, you need to talk to us," Joe interrupted his older brother before Kevin could actually fall to his hands and knees. "Look, we understand-"

"Misa?"

Her head snapped up and she knew without looking that everyone else was staring at the courtyard entrance with the same stunned looked she wore. Van Dyke Tosh was in the hallway, his head just inside the doorway, as he looked at her in confusion.

"Misa, what are you doing here?" he asked, seemingly oblivious to the showdown he had just interrupted. Joe's stunned face quickly morphed into an angry look.

"Look, Van Dyke, we're a little busy-"

"Well, you're going to have to pick this up later," Van Dyke interjected before Joe could finish. "Misa's supposed to be in the gym, with me and Coaches Tyler and Harris. We've got to talk about Homecoming schedules."

Crap! That was today? "Shoot!" she muttered under her breath, scrambling to get her things together. "I totally forgot."

Stella looked extremely unhappy as she watched Macy head for the door. The Lucas brothers just looked sad. "Macy," Stella called. "We have to do this sometime."

She nodded faintly, waving her hand at her friend distractedly. "Sure Stell, whatever." And then she was peeling off towards the gym with Van Dyke close on her heels.

"I totally forgot that this was today," she explained breathlessly, feeling bad because now that he had to go get her, Van Dyke was just as late as she was. And neither Coaches took tardiness lightly. "I just had so much-"

"Relax Misa," Van Dyke advised her. "The meeting's not until next week."

She skidded to a halt, noting that they were already halfway to the gym. The courtyard and the JONAS confrontation was far behind and as she tried to process what Van Dyke had just said, she couldn't help but notice the smirk on his face.

"Say that again, Tosh," she demanded, her tone just a shade forceful.

"The meeting's next week, Misa," he replied cheerfully.

"But then why-"

"You looked like you were facing a firing squad," he explained patiently. "I figured you were being ambushed and gave you a chance to escape."

She was speechless for a second. After blinking stupidly for a few minutes she finally caught on to what he had done for her. "How did you know that-"

"Misa, you've been strangely anti-JONAS for the past few weeks," he reminded her. "Now for people who haven't known you for as long, they might not see that as something to be worried about. But we've been going to the same school for the past four years, and even though we're not best friends or anything, I still know you pretty well. You loved those guys, and now you can't stand to hear anyone say their names. You're either embarrassed or angry at them. And if you're angry at them, they had to have done something majorly bad, because you don't get upset that easily."

It shocked her that he could know so much about her even though they weren't that close. She gave him a hard look before a smile curved her lips (the first since yesterday's study period). "Thanks Tosh, you're a lifesaver."

She didn't give him the details of what had happened, and he didn't ask for them. He just gave her a wink and nodded towards the gym. "Want to hide out until the bell rings?"

"Do I ever," she said with a laugh, leading the way. He fell into step beside her and she couldn't help but feel out-of-sorts. Sure her and Van Dyke were acquaintances and they knew each from so many years of school and sports together. But they were never what you might call friends. She spared him another curious look as he held open the gym door for her.

"I got something on my face?" he asked with a good-natured laugh.

She blushed. "No," she stuttered. "It's just that-I appreciate the save, but I can't believe that you actually did it."

"Well, I might have had an ulterior motive," he said, shooting her a devilish grin. "I was already looking for you by that time."

"How come?"

He was quiet for a minute, settling down underneath one of the basketball hoops and pulling out his lunch. She followed suit, still waiting for a response. "Well, I wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"You got any plans for the game tomorrow night?"

Plans? For the basketball game? She shook her head 'no', still unsure where he was going with all this.

"I was wondering if maybe you would want to go with me-like as a date."

She choked on her juice. Had she heard right? Did Van Dyke just ask her out? And was he looking at her nervously just now? She opened her mouth, trying to find something to say. What came out probably wasn't the best thing: "What about Stella?"

"Stella? Oh, you mean the Stella that spent most of our date talking about Joe Lucas before abandoning me in the middle of a movie to go hold his hand? That Stella?"

She laughed before she could stop herself. Van Dyke just continued to smile, no bitterness on his face as he discussed his disaster of a date with her best friend. She swallowed any further laughter and tried to be serious again: "But why me?"

"Because you're cute, and you know way more about sports than other girls, and I know if I take you that we're both going to enjoy the game and have fun."

His answer was direct and sincere. Macy wondered if she should be more suspicious. After all, Van Dyke was just a guy, like any other guy at this school. And wasn't that why she was mad at the Lucas boys?

But Van Dyke was also sweet and totally right. She would enjoy the game, and so would he. They both loved sports and had lots of other stuff in common too. Wasn't a bad prospect for a date. Not at all.

But there was one thing. "If we go out, we're going to have to stop this whole last name thing we have going on here."

He laughed and nodded. "Fine by me. When should I pick you up, Macy?"

She blushed and laughed along with him. "About six-thirty would be great, Van Dyke."

~*~

A/N: Obviously changing some things. I don't know if Van Dyke is on the boys basketball team from the episode "Love Sick", but for the purposes of this fic, he's not.


	4. Looking Up

~Looking Up~

It took a lot of underhanded tricks and evasive manoeuvres to make it out of the school without having the dreaded JONAS confrontation. After hiding out with Van Dyke for the rest of the lunch period (and flirting semi-competently at that) Macy had dashed off to English Lit with seconds to spare. Sliding into her customary as-far-from-Nick-as-possible seat, Macy promptly tuned out her teacher and set about devising ways in which she could avoid her former favourite band.

It was remarkably easy. Nick seemed content with letting her avoid him (certainly there were no more surprise ambushes in study period). Kevin was still looking for her, but she could usually hear him coming (he kept asking random people where she was-it was easy to track his movements). Joe provided the only real challenge, camping out in front of the girls' change room waiting for her. It cost her ten bucks to convince one of her volleyball teammates to create a diversion so she could slip past him (Sara was a surprisingly good yodeler). After practice, it was a mere matter of slipping out the side doors of the gym and high-tailing it to the parking lot before she was home-free.

Stella wasn't happy with her. There were about four voicemails on her phone letting her know just how unhappy Stella was with her. And two voicemails complaining about how Joe wasn't mature enough to handle saying the d-word. It amused her to no end that even while Stella was trying to get Macy to talk to JONAS she was still griping about the cluelessness that was Joe Lucas. Stella's complaints continued being funny until Macy listened to the final voicemail in which Stella casually mentioned that she and the brothers would be at the basketball game tomorrow night (Kevin as a cheerleader, Nick to show some school spirit, and Joe because he was trying to prove he could handle a date-like environment with Stella). And when Macy said casually, she meant that Stella said in such a careless manner that her suspicions were immediately raised.

Her phone was out and speed-dial connected before she even got into her bedroom. It had to have rung like ten times before Stella picked up (she supposed it was Stella's way of getting back at her for all the avoidance from the past two days). When her best friend did finally pick up her phone it took all of Macy's willpower not to roll her eyes at the overly innocent greeting: "Hm, yes? Macy is that you?"

"You have caller ID, you tell me." She couldn't help the little laugh that escaped her after. Sometimes just hearing her friend's voice made Macy feel better (and if she hadn't been so gloomy and self-pitying yesterday, she might have called Stella for a serious girl-to-girl chat-Macy had a feeling that they were long overdue).

"Well, I was just making sure," Stella replied smoothly. "You know, since it's been pretty much impossible to actually get you on the phone nowadays."

Ouch. Stella Malone nails one right on the head. "Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

"Funny you should ask that, since that's all the boys have been asking me since yesterday."

Double ouch. "Can we not do the whole JONAS versus Macy thing right now?"

"I wasn't aware that my friends were battling against one another. Is it like a cage-match or something?"

"That's funny-you're funny. You should take this act on the road."

"Nah, touring's not for me. That's more of a JONAS thing."

"You're going to say something JONAS-related every sentence, aren't you?"

"Well someone has to. You used to and now it's up to me to pick up the slack. And speaking of slack, or should I say slacks, want to see the new look I designed for the upcoming JONAS tour?"

"Sure . . . right after I'm done jabbing this pencil in my eye."

"Macy, you're being mean right now."

"I am not. Well maybe just a little. See, this is what happens when people try to force me into JONAS conversations. I get moody. So can we please just skip it today? I really just need to talk to my best friend right now."

There was a short-lived silence that was interrupted by Stella heaving a great big sigh. "Fine, I get it. You're not ready to talk about it yet. But sooner or later, you're going to have to talk this through Macy Misa."

"Yeah, I know. But I've got some other things that are more important at the moment."

"Does this have anything to do with Van Dyke asking you out?"

Macy was momentarily stumped. She recovered quickly and gave a frustrated grunt. "I knew you knew. How did you know? And did you get the Lucas brothers to show because you knew?"

"Of course I knew. I overheard some of Van Dyke's football buddies discussing it. And no; the whole date-like thing between Joe and I was something we decided on yesterday. Before Nick showed up at the firehouse quaking in his new leather shoes that had been ruined because of his impromptu school-wide race to escape the clutches of a horde of JONAS fangirls."

Macy winced. "Does it matter that I feel bad about that?"

"It's not me you owe an apology to," was Stella's cool response.

"I know, I know. And he's not the only one I owe an apology to. I was like a hurricane yesterday, Stella. I didn't even have a good excuse other than the fact that I was angry."

She could imagine the sympathetic look on Stella's face at that moment. "Everyone has on off day Macy. It's not like you started the day with the intent to be horrible."

"I know, but that's not the problem. I've been like this since The Incident, and I think I'm getting worse rather than better. Here I thought that I was just growing up and becoming mature, but it was all a lie. You were right; I switched one obsession with the other because I was mad. And knowing that just makes me even madder. It's like I'm nothing more than a ball of anger, and I hate it. I've never been so angry in my life. You know me, I prefer being happy. And every time I tell myself that I should just get on with it and be happy again, I see something JONAS related and off I go again. Angry, hurt, and trying to cover it by talking down to everyone I know. And yesterday-my God Stella. I was a monster, I was mean, and I did all these terrible things even though I knew they were wrong. It's like I'm not even myself anymore, and that makes me want to cry."

And then she was crying. It was three weeks of build-up that had to come out sooner or later. She barely heard Stella's protests over the phone. She was saying that Macy wasn't a monster and that Macy was a good person. But Stella hadn't seen her yesterday. She may have heard about it from others, but seeing was believing. Macy never knew that she was capable of something like that. And she was so angry that she had let down Coach, her teammates, her peers, Stella, and herself in one afternoon of petty, childlike behaviour.

"Macy? What do you need before you can forgive them?"

And the thing was, she didn't know what she needed. It wasn't an apology; she had had like five of those already (Kevin had practically been grovelling). She wasn't sure if there was anything they could do to get her to forgive them. Maybe she was just going to be angry with them forever.

"Forever's a long time Mace. I think you just need to talk to them. Yell at them, scream at them, throw things-whatever it takes for you to get all this anger off your chest."

"What if that doesn't work? What if it only makes matters worse? I honestly never thought I could hold this much negativity inside myself, Stella. I hate what it's doing to me, but I think I hate the idea of talking to them even more."

"Macy Misa, you are never going to feel better until you deal with this. You can avoid them until we graduate, stick your fingers in your ears while the radio's on, and walk around the grocery store blindfolded-and all that might guarantee you a JONAS-free environment, but it's going to make you feel better. At the end of the day, you're just going to end up bitter."

Macy sniffled and flopped down on her bed. She looked up to her ceiling and remembered when she had a door size poster of JONAS plastered over it just three weeks ago. It was like another lifetime.

"Macy?"

"I'm still here. I'm thinking about what you said Stella. And I know you're right. But I don't want you to be right."

"Then what do you want right now, Macy Misa?"

"I want you to be my best friend. My best friend who tells me what to wear on my date with Van Dyke tomorrow."

It was a lame attempt at changing the subject. She could tell Stella was debating whether or not to let the discussion go. Finally, her friend sighed once more and Macy knew that for now, Stella would let her have her way.

"Well, you've come to the right place, sister. Are we doing dressy-cute or casual-cute?"

~*~

The next morning was better than the morning before. After her long talk with Stella (who decided casual-cute was better for a basketball game) Macy had to admit, she felt better. It wasn't to say that she was happy again, because she was still pretty miserable, but she had a better understanding of what she had been doing since The Incident. Stella was right; she was punishing herself to get back at JONAS. Deciding to chuck everything she had loved pre-Incident just because it reminded her of JONAS hadn't been the best way to deal with what happened. Only problem was that she still wasn't sure how she should deal with what happened. Even after talking it over with Stella, Macy still felt the anger was fresh as if it had all happened yesterday. And she wasn't sure what she should do with all this extra anger.

She was up well before she had to be, and as was becoming her custom, she headed off to school early so she could effectively plan out her JONAS-avoiding plays for the day. Macy was well aware of how pathetic her behaviour was, but she wasn't in any mood to be sensible. She would deal with JONAS when she was good and ready.

Of course, JONAS didn't necessarily have to agree with that.

She had been so confident that the school would be empty (or at least devoid of Lucas brothers) that she hadn't been as cautious as she typically was during the school day. She wandered into the school, not noticing the three of them until it was too late. They were standing by the stairs, obviously waiting for her. There were crumpled up food wrappings and empty drink containers on the stairs right next to where Joe was seated. Kevin was leaning against the nearest bank of lockers and she heard Nick wander up behind her, effectively cutting off any retreat.

They stood silently in the hallway for a minute. All three brothers were looking at her (Joe had this contemplative look on his face while Kevin looked wounded-Nick was still behind her so she couldn't see what expression he wore). She glanced about her nervously, already feeling the anger start to swim up from her belly. She didn't want to do this right now. But she didn't think that they cared.

"Sit down," Joe said, patting the spot next to him. She gave him a dark look and he only returned her look with a calm gaze. Kevin was shuffling closer and Nick placed a hand at the small of her back, attempting to guide her Joe's way. Defeated, she gathered up her things and sat on the stairs a few feet away from Joe. He only shifted over closer and Kevin and Nick came to stand in front of them. She was locked in.

"You're mad," obviously Joe was taking point on this one. "We get it. We probably should have gotten it sooner, but we get it now. You're mad about what happened with Malcolm Meckles, and you have a right to be. We messed up Macy, we messed up bad. Not just because we lied to you, but because we hurt you as well. And believe me, that wasn't our intention."

"I never said that it was," was all she could manage to say.

"Problem is, you haven't said anything at all," Kevin spoke up. "You're mad at us, and we want to make it better, but it's like you don't."

Macy felt anger shoot through her heart. "So this is my fault."

"He didn't say that," Nick was stoic, but firm. "You need to hear us out. You're never going to feel better until you do."

"You don't understand what this is about."

"Do you?" Joe shifted so he could look her right in the eyes. "What do you need from us, Macy? Whatever it is, we can give it to you. But you have to talk to us."

"We're your friends," Kevin added helpfully. "We just want you to be happy again."

Macy scoffed. "Friends? How can we be friends?"

Kevin looked like she punched him in the gut. "Mace-"

"We can't be friends because we don't know each other. I know everything about you, but I know nothing about who you are. And you, what do you know about me besides the JONAS obsession and the sports? Nothing!"

None of the boys had a response to that. And that was too bad because Macy was just warming up. "This isn't about you lying. This is about you doing something I never thought you could do! And now, instead of having the nice, little world I lived in before, I have this nightmare place where I'm angry all day, Edward can't sparkle, and Serena and Blair are not good role models."

Kevin was lost. "Who's Edward? Does he go here? And who said he can't sparkle?"

She felt like screaming. "You just don't get it!"

"Well, we're trying to!" Nick snapped at her. "Unlike you, we're not looking to blame and hiding behind Van Dyke Tosh whenever something stressful comes up!"

"What does Van Dyke have to do with this?" she wanted to know.

Joe was struggling to salvage this discussion. "What Nick is trying to say is that we're willing to try and work this out with you, but you have to meet us halfway."

"I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."

Kevin gave her a pained look. "But if you don't, how do we become friends again?"

Macy shrugged and blinked back tears. "Maybe we can't be."

"Of course we can be," Joe pleaded. "But you have to let us try."

"I don't know if I can."

Nick looked disgusted. "But you can try with Van Dyke, right?"

Macy gave him a dirty look of her own. "What does Van Dyke have to do with this?"

"You still going with him tonight?" Nick demanded to know.

"Of course."

"Fine." And with that, the youngest Lucas brother was stomping off down the hall. Macy watched him go in disbelief, not sure how the discussion went from her anger to Van Dyke and then to Nick being able to storm away angrily when she was the one who had cause to be upset.

"I'm not sure what that is about," Joe picked up from his brother, stirring Macy from her thoughts. "But he does have a point. How can you not let us at least try to make it up to you?"

"Please Macy," Kevin was on his knees now. "Just give us a chance. We want to make things better. And it's not because we feel bad-which we totally do-but even more because we know you're miserable. And even though you don't think we're friends, the three of us know that we want you to be our friend. That means we want you to be happy again, and we'll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens."

It was all too much, and far sooner than she had wanted it. Macy stood up abruptly, looking between both brothers carefully. "Let me think about it for a day. I'll talk to you after school tomorrow."

Joe got to his feet and looked her straight in the eye. "Promise?"

She nodded. "Promise."

Kevin smiled tentatively. "Tomorrow then?'

"Tomorrow."

~*~


	5. Cracking Up

A/N: Thanks to all the reviewers. Sorry I'm so behind on getting back to you guys, but you know how life can get.

**A Heart on my Hand**: I'm glad that you're enjoying. You're definitely onto something with the Nick angle J. I know it wasn't resolved like you wanted it, but Macy still has some things she needs to realize before we get to any sort of resolution.

**Anglhededhpster**: Aw, thanks! I felt bad for the boys too, but they've got some lessons to learn.

**Xovickixo**: I'm glad you're enjoying the story. And yes, I am the same EenaAngel on TTh. Thanks for all the love.

**Hope in three Jonas**: Um, promise you won't hurt me? Because I plan on continuing, although I think there's only about three or four parts left in this story. Thanks for the feedback.

**DudeYourCool**: Thanks! I hope to finish the whole thing by next week.

**DiBye**: Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you like the Macy developments. I never bought the whole I-forgive-you-because-you're-JONAS thing either, and this story is just about how I think Macy should have dealt with her feelings. I know it's bleak in some parts, but it's all heading towards something good.

**Brewk**: Glad that you like the story so far. And yeah, I get not liking Macy for the third chapter. Even Macy didn't like herself in that chapter. It's all part of the process from getting her from miserable to happy (which, I promise, will happen). And don't worry about Van Dyke-there's no villain in this story so he won't be a bad guy.

**MusicMaven09**: Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you're enjoying Macy's progressions, even if she's getting worse before she gets better. I agree with you about the show, but what can you do? It's a Disney show-so it has a formula to follow. But that's why God created fanfiction-so fans can address fallacies in their favourite shows. Thanks again.

**Hey-Hayley**: Thanks for all the compliments. I hope you're still enjoying the story even as it goes through some less than spectacular times for Macy.

**The Brat Prince**: What isn't tragic when you're sixteen? J Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying.

Thanks again guys. Reviews do make my world go round!

~*~

~Cracking Up~

If Van Dyke had surprised her yesterday, his actions during the next two days had the potential to knock her into a coma.

Her morning with JONAS had not gone well, for obvious reasons(who was Nick to storm off in the middle of his own apology?). And even though she had given the boys a definite timeline in which they could have the TALK, she had regretted it every second since. Was one day really long enough to muddle through the complex web of emotions and recriminations that had plagued her since The Incident? Not to mention that this one day also encompassed a day in which she was to have her first date with Van Dyke Tosh.

She was getting too used to wandering the halls of HMA in utter despair. Her fellow students were getting too accustomed to it as well. Various teammates came up to her during the day, asking her what was up. They had been wary up until now, but things were getting worse by the day. What was wrong with their captain?

She would have loved to explain it to them. But she didn't think she was capable of explaining to anyone anymore. She couldn't even figure out a way to explain it to herself. What was her problem? Why was it so hard to let this go? It was obvious that the Lucas brothers (except Nick-she wasn't sure what was wrong with him) felt bad, and they wanted to make it up to her. So why was she so against letting them?

Van Dyke offered to hide out with her during lunch again, but there was a time when a girl just needed her friend. Stella begged and pleaded with her Textiles teacher until she agreed to let both girls each lunch inside the room (but just for today). It was there, leaning back against the wall, surrounded by swaths of fabric and tons of sewing machines, that Macy Misa cried on her best friend's shoulder for about half an hour. She had been crying a hell of a lot more than she usually did, but whatever Stella might have thought about her over-emotional state of mind she kept to herself. Instead there were hugs, words of sympathy, and just the general contentment that comes from having your best friend try to carry you through a crisis.

Stella was quiet on the JONAS front today. She probably knew what happened (Joe can't go for more than an hour without talking to her-and she doubt their morning talk slipped his mind), but she was silent on this whole thing. Instead she waited while Macy finished her cry, offered her friend the cupcake she had snagged from the cafeteria before, and then proceeded to indulge in light-hearted girl talk. She asked little questions about how Van Dyke actually asked her the question, what she thought their date was going to be like, and how she liked the outfit they had agreed on last night. All questions designed to distract her from her misery, and it made her feels so much better just to have her friend there and giggling over the cute boy who had asked her out. It was all so familiar, so comforting, and so _normal_ that Macy couldn't believe she had wasted the past three weeks trying to be an adult when all she probably needed was to be a girl with Stella.

The rest of the school day passed by in a blur. She was still out of it when she wandered down to lacrosse practice. After about ten failed passes and tripping over her own feet like six times, Coach pulled her from the practice and ordered Macy to wait for her in her office. She left without protest. After leaving the rest of the team under the surveillance of the assistant coach, Coach got right down to the point. The field hockey game had been a disappointment. It was close to being an embarrassment, but then Macy seemed to come back to herself during the handshake. Coach didn't ask her what was going on with her (Macy suspected that almost everyone at HMA knew that she was mad at JONAS). But she had some words of guidance for Macy:

"It's hard to believe, especially at your age, but not everything that happens is a tragedy. Things are hard, people make mistakes, and some days you find yourself doing things that you normally wouldn't do because it's all gotten to be _too_ much. The thing to remember is this: everything blows over. Though it doesn't seem like it now, there is a day, somewhere down the line, when all of this will stop hurting so much and you're back to being the person you are, because you know that's what makes you happy."

Coach sure was deep for a lady who usually communicated through her whistle.

She had been given a pass for the rest of practice. No doubt she would be making it up somewhere down the road, but that was something to worry about later. Coach would know when she was back to form and Macy was actually hoping that it might be sometime soon. Coach was right; not everything that had happened was a tragedy. But it had hurt. She needed to let it hurt and then find a way to get it to hurt less. She had spent so much time trying to bury her feelings with grown-up behaviour that she forgot that her heart was hurting deep inside. She needed to do what she could, slap a bandage on the wound to stop the hurt, if she ever wanted it to heal.

She made it home with lots of time to spare before her date. Her mother got home early and she had this gleam in her eyes that made Macy kind of nervous. Too late she remembered that this was the first time a boy had ever picked her up from house for a date and she's dreading the inevitable embarrassment that will arise when her mother greets her 'gentleman friend' (her mother was cool, but she used these weird phrases sometimes). Her father was also home and getting ready, a steely look in his eyes as he watched the driveway for Van Dyke's appearance. She knew that he felt like it was his responsibility to have the you-better-watch-yourself-around-my-daughter speech with any of her potential love interests, but she kind of wished he would remember that she was perfectly capable of handling herself. She might be short, but she wasn't weak. She had a black belt to prove it.

Stella showed up about five and both girls rushed to Macy's room to get ready in private. They dressed in their respective outfits, argued over which shoes went with what outfit, and strew their makeup collection all over Macy's vanity. She was trying to get her hair to fall into soft curls while Stella attacked her with eye makeup. Fifteen minutes later, their positions were switched with Stella seated at the vanity doing her makeup while Macy fiddled with the blonde's hair. Soon it was six-fifteen and Stella was flying out the door to meet her not-quite-a-date Joe at the school. Macy her off and then sat down with her father to await Van Dyke's arrival.

He showed about five minutes early. Macy spotted his car pulling into the driveway before her parents did. She made a mad dash for the door, gave her parents one final warning against doing anything remotely embarrassing, and then opened the door when he knocked. Her mother (who ignored her completely) was quick to snap off a few photos. Her father growled out questions from his spot directly behind Macy and it took a full ten minutes for her to ditch her parents and drag Van Dyke bodily out of her house. He had been smiling non-stop since she opened the front door and as they pulled out of her drive, he laughed off all of her apologies.

"Relax, it's nice that your parents care so much. Besides, you're acting like you're the only person this has ever happened to. You should have seen what my mother did when she met my first girlfriend."

They both had a nice laugh over the embarrassing tendencies of mothers and fathers before falling into a discussion of the basketball team's chances tonight. She found that discussing sports with Van Dyke was not only something she was comfortable with, but something that she enjoyed immensely. He made her laugh, a lot, and for a little while that day Macy forgot to be upset about her life and just enjoyed the moment.

They pulled into the school parking lot with fifteen minutes to spare before the game began. She was out of the car and about to head into the school when he called her back: "Wait! I almost forgot."

That's when he gave her the single long-stemmed rose. She looked at it in shock, not sure if she should blush or squeal (because right now she really wanted to squeal). He gave it to her with an easy laugh. "I wanted to give it to you at your house, but figured it might drive your mom into taking photos for another half hour."

She laughed along with him and accepted the rose, pretty sure her insides were turning into mush. He only smiled again, took her by the hand (she was swooning; she was sure she was swooning), and then led her towards the gym. They stopped at the concession stand to purchase drinks and some snacks. When they entered the gym, Macy looked around for Stella but couldn't find her friend. She did notice Joe sitting at the far end of the gym by himself. The look on his face told the whole story. The date-like experience had gone terribly awry. Macy wondered if she should try and call Stella, but Van Dyke was pulling her to a pair of empty seats and she reasoned that if Stella didn't show by halftime, she was going to call.

The game passed by quickly. Van Dyke was seriously into basketball and they had a great time talking and debating different plays throughout the game. Macy occasionally shot worried looks towards Joe, wondering where Stella had gone off to. That proved to be a mistake because soon his younger brother joined him and Nick immediately started glaring her way. She had to stamp down hard on her anger and completely divert her attention to Van Dyke in order to stop herself from throwing something. She wasn't sure what Nick's problem was, but if this was how he was trying to make things up to her, he needed to re-evaluate his game plan.

Stella had not shown by halftime, so Macy excused herself and went to the washroom, where she got the full story through a series of texts. And though Macy wanted to be there for her friend, like Stella had been there for her earlier today, Stella ordered her to finish her date. There would be plenty of time for hugs and sympathy tomorrow. And besides, knowing the relationship between Joe and Stella, things might magically be better by the next day. Macy wasn't sure if that was the best logic to live by, but Stella was firm. Macy was going to finish her date.

And so she did. Studiously ignoring Nick, abandoning looking for Stella, and only occasionally smiling at Kevin (even mad she couldn't deny that he looked adorable in his cheerleading outfit), Macy devoted the rest of her night to having fun. There was plenty of other really deep and emotional stuff waiting for her tomorrow; tonight was for fun.

They went out for a quick bite after the game, Van Dyke remaining utterly charming the whole time (seriously, Stella abandoned this guy for Joe's hissy fit?). They ate greasy food, talked about the strengths and weaknesses of tonight's game, and laughed over each other's funniest sporting memories. By the time he dropped her off at her house (exactly one minute before her curfew) Macy was feeling pretty good. And since that was something that she hadn't felt in a long time, she was more than grateful.

Her father watching from the window made the likelihood of a first kiss almost impossible. But Van Dyke was pretty good-natured about it (but she was going to ream her dad out good and proper after). He gave her a quick hug and made plans to have lunch with her tomorrow. She grinned and nodded like an idiot and basically stumbled into her house. She fended off the questions of her mother, gave her dad a stern two-minute talking-to, and then ran up to her room to call Stella. It would be an hour before she was in bed, exhausted from the emotional ups-and-downs of the day. She was feeling pretty okay when she went to bed that night.

Of course, it was all temporary because when she awoke the next morning she remembered what she had promised the day before. She needed to have an answer for the Lucas brothers by final bell today. And while the date with Van Dyke had given her something to smile about, it hadn't given her a lot of time to think about what she was going to do today.

She left for school at a much more normal time. She talked to Stella the entire way, going over her dilemma and rehashing events in an attempt to decide on something. And despite the numerous texts, notes passed in class, and hallway discussions between bells, by lunchtime Macy was still frustratingly unsure about what to do.

It was Van Dyke that finally brought the whole thing into perspective. She met him

for lunch and being so overwhelmed, she blurted out everything about The Incident and all that came after. She explained her anger, her attempts at growing up, her horrible behaviour, and her indecision about how to respond to JONAS after school. He listened intently, ignoring all the other distractions of the cafeteria in order to give her his full attention. And by the time she was done, he had an answer for her:

"Macy, I don't want to sound like I'm telling you what to do or anything. And I don't want you to think that I'm being insensitive. But from what I'm hearing, your problem isn't just with JONAS. You're pretty mad at yourself too. I think that they give a good focus point for your anger, but it's been blinding you to the real problem. What they did wasn't nice, but we both know they never went into it with bad intentions. You're mad not because they lied, but because they made you feel stupid. All this stuff about shattering your illusions and dreams, it's seems to me that you're just angry that you ever believed in such realistic things. It wasn't until The Incident that you understood that all those things you thought about them were just things you made up because they were prettier than the truth. You were selling yourself a fairy-tale and when you realized it, you felt stupid. Maybe you felt that everyone already knew this and had always thought you were stupid because you didn't. But it's not like that at all. You're not stupid Macy. You just had a crush on a boy band, probably your first real crush, and you wanted them to be perfect because it was the first time you felt like that about any boy. It's not your fault, and it's not their fault. And until you stop trying to pin the blame on somebody, you're never going to feel better."

Was everyone in this school a secret therapist or something?

He gave her a lot to think about, but also a lot of encouragement. What he said made sense and she thought that maybe he was right. There was nothing stopping her from moving past this but her own bruised ego. What JONAS had done was wrong, but it was a misdeed done with good intentions. And if they wanted to make it up to her, she should give them the chance. All this misery started with them; it stood to reason that it should end with them as well.

"You know what Van Dyke? I think that yours is the best advice that I've gotten all day. Thanks."

And then he gave her that brilliant smile of his. She found herself grinning back, knowing that she was blushing all the while. And then, despite the fact that they were in the cafeteria in front of hundreds of their peers, Van Dyke leaned forward. There was a look in his eye and Macy knew what was coming. She felt shivers shoot down her spine, but she didn't back away. In fact, she moved closer . . .

_SPLAT!_

There were a few seconds right after impact that Macy just didn't know what had happened. She saw the remains of the chocolate cake covering the back of Van Dyke's head, felt the few pieces that had splattered onto her, but for a few seconds she couldn't put two-and-two together. Van Dyke stared at her, completely stupefied and she could only stare back. She heard other people stopping in the midst of their lunch, saw the boys at the table to their right start to grin maniacally, and barely had time to drag both herself and Van Dyke under the table before the inevitable battle-cry:

"FOOD FIGHT!"

Macy shrieked in terror as various bits of people's lunches started flying through the air. Van Dyke recovered quickly, grabbed both their bags before directing her to the nearest exit. They scrambled through the maze of tables, ducked low to avoid being hit with anything else. Macy reached the door first and burst into the hallway, Van Dyke right on her heels. She turned shocked eyes back towards the cafeteria, noting the sheer chaos that existed within. It seemed so surreal, like from a movie (because high school kids didn't actually do this in real life-right?).

"Oh my God, Macy!" Stella had emerged from the cafeteria more or less unscathed. She had all three members of JONAS with her and for once Macy was too busy to feel angry about it. She just looked between her friend and her date, still not sure what had happened.

"Someone threw cake at us," she managed to say.

"I think they were aiming mostly for me," Van Dyke said with a laugh, pulling bits of dessert from his hair. "And they got me pretty good."

"Did you see who did it?" This was from Nick. He looked slightly frazzled, but still amazingly calm for someone who had just been in the middle of a food fight. Joe and Kevin were still buzzing, and she was pretty sure Joe wanted to sneak back in to join but couldn't because of the death glare Stella gave him.

"Nah," Van Dyke gave Macy a sly grin. "I was a little distracted."

She felt her cheeks go pink. She squeaked out a goodbye before Van Dyke left to clean up, barely having time to recover before Stella was herding her towards the girl's washroom. "You have bits of chocolate cake in your hair," was all the explanation the blonde gave anyone before ushering Macy off. Once in the washroom, Macy could see that the damage wasn't as severe as Stella was claiming, but she probably should get the chocolate out of her hair before it turned hard. She was fiddling with the water taps, Stella handing her paper towels to wet and use, when she started questioning her friend.

"Did you see what happened? I mean, why would anyone throw food at me and Van Dyke. Was it someone from the football team, because I don't think this was at all funny-"

"Nick did it!"

Stella's sudden shout was not only unexpected, but really loud. Macy couldn't help jumping a bit when her friend's voice filled the small room. It took about three seconds for her to digest what had been said and then Macy started to see red-

"But you can't yell at him!"

"Give me one good reason why not!"

Stella grabbed Macy by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. "Macy, I didn't want to tell you this, but there's no avoiding it now. Nick knew from day one that you were still mad. He asked me about the same day. I told him you just needed some space, so he let it go for about a week. And then you started acting really weird, changed your locker, and avoided them all the time. He wanted to talk to you right then, but I convinced him to give me some time to talk to you. And then it took too long and he was cornering you in the library. Then there was the whole thing with the field hockey game and suddenly he was telling his brothers that they had messed up bad and needed to fix it-but they didn't know how. And then Van Dyke asked you out, you said yes, and then Nick found out-and boy was he mad! He started going off on how stupid Van Dyke was and how blind you were being and then today-I have never seen Nick do anything like this before in my life. And he only threw it because he knew you were about to kiss and the cake was flying before I could stop him-but I think the real issue here is that Nick li-"

"Don't!" Macy slapped her hands over Stella's mouth, cutting her friend off mid-sentence. Her stomach was tied in knots and she felt shaky all over. "Don't say it. Just don't. That would make this whole thing even worse."

Stella gave her an exasperated look, but nodded silently. Macy removed her hand and turned back to the mirror. The chocolate was mostly gone, but Macy's face was alarmingly pale. "This is so messed up."

Stella could only nod.

~*~


	6. Making Up

**A/N**: Thanks for sticking with me guys. I think there are about two more chapters after this one, and this story is done. Much love to all my lovely reviewers, and a few new ones that I picked up today (**Standard-Ang3l, suburbs, JClayton, **and** Poet on the run**). And Beth, I totally understand that angry-Macy isn't someone who is pleasant to watch (she thinks that way about herself too). What I'm trying to do with this story is show how a teenager would react to an act of deception by someone they adored. I know it's a bit dark now, but I promise it will get better. Remember, it's only been about three and a half weeks since The Incident, and Macy's just going through the stages of hurt, anger, and low self-esteem. But she won't stay that way, because happy Macy is the best kind of Macy out there.

~*~

~Making Up~

"Okay, it's go time. Remember, this is the big one. This is when all the training, the preparations, the planning, the blood, sweat, and tears come together. You can do this; never think that you can't do this. You're the best this school has seen, and we all know you're going to hit it out of the park."

It took a lot of will power for Macy not to laugh. "I'm going to talk to JONAS, not play a baseball game."

Van Dyke gave her an easy smile, not embarrassed by her chastisement in the slight. "Yeah, I know. But game pep talks are the only kind of pep talks I'm familiar with, so I figured you go with what you know."

She couldn't stop the laughter this time, shaking her head as she turned back to her locker. Van Dyke just waggled his eyebrows at her and helped her with her books. She knew he was being this way to keep her from freaking out about what was coming. She appreciated the sentiment. She needed to approach this talk with a positive attitude. Van Dyke was doing his best to make sure that happened. This boy was almost too sweet to be true. He didn't deserve to have cake thrown at him because of her. Of course, he didn't know that it was because of her. She hadn't let him in on Stella's washroom revelation, and she didn't think that she would. She was too busy trying to forget about it altogether.

A month ago, the implications of what had happened at lunch would have driven her delirious from joy. But a lot had changed in the past month and she wasn't the same Macy she had been back then. Now, it was all so surreal and just so messed up that she ended up with a headache once she started thinking about it. She was mad with Nick, but now for another reason than before. If he had something to say, he should try saying it to her. Stella had pointed out that Macy hadn't made it particularly easy for any of the Lucas boys to say anything to her for the past three weeks. And while she was willing to admit that she had been at fault there, she still thought there was a better way of handling the situation. One that didn't involve chucking pastries at her and Van Dyke.

"You ready?"

Saying no would be in very poor taste, but Macy was tempted for about a second. Okay, for longer than a second, but she got over it quickly. She gave Van Dyke a shaky nod and allowed him to lead her away from her locker. The walk down to the atrium was unbelievably tense. Van Dyke tried his hand at making her laugh with a few jokes here and there, but the closer they got to their destination, the harder it became for Macy to force a laugh. Suddenly they were in front of the atrium doors and her heart was constricting painfully in her chest. This was IT. Go time. She was going to throw up.

"And don't even think of running off," Van Dyke whispered in her ear. "Stella gave me pretty explicit instructions before."

She spared him an annoyed look, but then relented because she accepted that running away would solve very little. She took a moment to calm herself, drew in a deep breath, and then pushed open the atrium's door before she could think better of the situation. She stumbled into the area, Van Dyke right on her heels. Joe and Kevin were already there, Stella accompanying them. There was one obvious absence and Macy still her stomach churn slightly.

"Where's Nick?"

Van Dyke was asking a fairly innocent question. But that was only because he didn't the truth of everything. There was no way to fully answer that question without rehashing the food fight from before. And since Macy still wasn't ready to deal with the implications of what Nick had done (and everything Stella had revealed in the washroom), she didn't jump at the chance to answer the question.

"He's just running late," Kevin explained, his voice trailing off in a high squeak. Macy dared a glance at Stella and the blonde could only shake her head in dismay. Kevin really needed to work on this whole squeaky-when-lying thing he had going on.

But luckily Van Dyke didn't know the boys as well as others. He didn't think twice of the excuse. He nodded a greeting towards Joe and Kevin while Macy took a seat on the central bench. Once everyone was settled, Van Dyke looked to Stella expectantly and her friend jumped to her feet.

"We'll just be going now," Stella announced unnecessarily. She stood in between Macy and the two brothers, giving each group a stern look. "I expect something to be resolved when I am called later on this evening. And I better be called later on this evening."

That last part was for Macy's benefit. She wrinkled her nose and gave her friend an apologetic look. Stella tried maintaining the stern look for a bit longer, but couldn't keep the smile off her face. She swooped in to give Macy a quick hug, murmuring "I'm proud of you" in her ear before leading Van Dyke out the doors. Macy watched them go, returning Van Dyke's encouraging smile with a nervous one of her own.

And then they were alone. Macy forced herself to look away from Stella and Van Dyke's retreating forms and tried to focus on the two boys in front of her. To be fair, Joe and Kevin looked ten times worse than she did. Joe was clutching a notebook tightly in his hands while Kevin was practically shaking from the nerves. She watched as the eldest Lucas wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead and realized for the first time that Kevin had been taking her anger with them harder than the other two JONAS members. She remembered his face yesterday when she said they weren't friends and started to feel bad for someone other than herself.

She dropped her bags to the floor and took a deep breath to steady herself. "So, where is Nick?"

Joe shrugged helplessly. "We haven't seen him since lunch. I don't think he expected to do that today. I don't think he expected that he would ever do something like that. It was kind of out of the blue."

Kevin nodded his agreement. "I know. I've checked his locker like a hundred times since. No pictures, no love songs-I never even knew that he felt like-"

Macy knew what was coming next, and she still wasn't ready to hear it said out loud. "Let's just leave that alone, for now," she interrupted hastily. "I can deal with Nick later. It might be better this way."

She looked at each brother closely. Her hands came together and she brought them up to press against her lips. How could she say this right? "Guys, I think that-"

"Wait!" Joe grabbed her hands and pulled them back down to her lap. She gave him a startled look, to which he blushed and then quickly let go of her hands. "Just wait. Before you say anything there's something here that Kevin and I want to show you."

"We've been working on it since yesterday, and it was harder than writing a song," Kevin confessed. "I never thought we would get it right. We almost asked Stella for help, but then we figured that would be defeating the purpose of the whole thing. We wanted you to know that this is sincere and it came solely from the three of us."

"All three?" she arched one eyebrow at them.

"Nick did help," Joe assured her. "After he was done with his Van Dyke hissy fit."

The thought of Nick throwing any sort of hissy fit or temper tantrum just seemed outrageous to her. She couldn't help the small giggle that escaped her lips at the image. Once a smile passed her face, Joe and Kevin relaxed visibly. She quickly gathered herself again and then gave them a nod.

Kevin looked to Joe and Joe looked to Kevin. After a tense moment of silence, Joe sighed and began to open the notebook in his hands. She was curious, craning her neck to see the first page. She could see that the whole page was covered with writing, some spots crossed out and written over again. Joe gave her a strained smile before bringing the notebook to rest on his knee. Taking a deep breath, Joe began to read:

"Macy Misa is a leader. Aside from being captain on every sports team that she is a member of, she also founded her own JONAS fanclub and designed a fan website. The things that make her a good leader are not just limited to her ability to organize things. She's great at selecting goals, both short-term and long-term, and motivating those around her to achieve the best they can. Her teammates look up to her for a variety of reasons, but the most important is that she considers each of them a vital part of the team and shows them that every day. She listens to their problems, helps them overcome weaknesses, and shows them that she has faith in their abilities no matter what."

Joe fell silent and dared a glance at her, but she was too stunned to say anything. Quickly, Kevin pulled the notebook out of Joe's hand and continued reading:

"Macy Misa is one of the most fearless people we have ever met. Whether she's glaring down an opponent on the gym floor or fending off hysterical masses of JONAS fangirls, she never loses her cool. She is strong and proud-and she never lets anyone get away with pushing anyone else around. She's not afraid to stick up for the things she believes in and for the people who are lucky enough to be her friends. There isn't a sports team, teacher, crazed fangirl, or any other type of person out there that could intimidate her. The girl's got spunk."

Then it was Joe again: "Macy Misa is really good at being a friend. She has a natural compassion that makes her an easy person to talk to. And if you're lucky to be her friend, she will never let you down. She will be protective, sympathetic, supportive, and whatever else you need her to be. She's this way because she values her friends more than she values anything else, aside from her family. She feels like she's the lucky one to have them when it's actually the other way around. When Macy is your friend, you know that no matter what, she will always have your back."

Kevin: "Macy Misa is one of the happiest people I've ever met. It's not just that she keeps smiling through the day or jumps around with barely contained enthusiasm. It's that she sees the world as a good place and she wants everyone to enjoy it. You can always count on Macy for a smile and a good word to brighten your day. If for whatever reason you're feeling down, Macy will jump at the chance to make you feel better. And even if it's the worst day of your life, a few minutes with Macy will make you feel better because you can feel her happiness shine through. It's almost like a physical ray beam, shooting rainbows into your heart-"

"Kevin wrote that part," Joe was quick to tell her. Kevin gave his brother a dirty look as Joe tugged the notebook out of his hands. "Moving on: Macy Misa is at her best when she is happy, because that's the way God intended her to be. She's one of the sweetest people walking the Earth, always able to see the bright side of any situation. It would take something really horrible, done by really terrible people, to take away that happiness. And as people who are desperate to be her friends, we can say only this: We will do whatever it takes to keep Macy Misa happy, because at the end of the day, she deserves it more than anyone else we know. Macy Misa used to be our biggest fan. We were stupid to not appreciate it before. But if she's willing to give us a chance, we know could find ways of showing her our appreciation every day."

He stopped talking suddenly. Joe gave her a weak smile. "That's all we got," he admitted. "But it's all we know about you besides the JONAS obsession and the sports."

"We know it's not everything," Kevin jumped in. "But we're kind of hoping we could get a chance to learn all the other stuff, because we know it's as good as everything we already know. Macy Misa is a girl we would love to call our friend-if she would let us."

Both fell silent and looked at her in desperation. She opened her mouth, but couldn't get words to come out. She just kept hearing all the things they had said in her mind, over and over again. She imagined them in their upstairs area, working all night on trying to find the right words to say. Trying to find just the perfect way to not only say they were sorry, but that they valued her in a way she couldn't have guessed. And suddenly, the past three weeks didn't matter. They had gone the extra mile not just to assuage their own guilt, but because they wanted her to feel better. It was all about her, and not one bit about them. And in that one page of scribbles and words, they showed her that she was more to them than just Macy Misa, ridiculous fangirl with equally ridiculous fantasies about sparkling men and man-boy poets.

The knot that had been twisting in her stomach for the past three weeks finally began to loosen. The tears started before she could stop them. Joe and Kevin looked stricken. "Please Macy!" Kevin begged. "We're sorry if it's not good enough. Just don't cry, please don't cry-"

She launched herself at them before he had a chance to continue. She had one arm around the neck of each Lucas brother, her face buried into Kevin's shoulder as she cried. The boys flailed for a second, but then she felt two set of arms encircle her. Joe rested his head against hers, giving her waist a comforting squeeze as Kevin patted her back reassuringly. Both boys were respectfully quiet as they waited for her to recover. It took some time but soon she was able to stop the tears. She turned around, hands wiping at her eyes as she wedged herself onto the bench in the middle of the two of them. They were both still hugging her and she hugged them back.

"That was the sweetest-" she stopped, unable to continue for a second. "That was sweet. You kept asking what I needed-and I think I just needed that. I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be," Joe interjected. "We've all made mistakes this past while."

"Yeah, if you can forgive us, then everything's cool," Kevin agreed. "None of the other stuff matters anymore. Just as long as you're happy Macy once again."

She laughed and pulled Kevin closer so she could kiss him on the cheek. "I was the worst to you, even though you were trying to be the best to me. I'm sorry, and it won't happen again."

"Nothing like this will happen again," Joe chimed in. "We're never going through this again. The past few weeks have been murder, on you in particular. So this it; I have spoken. Never again will a Lucas brother wrong Macy Misa. It's the law, no breaking it."

"He has delusions of grandeur," Kevin fake-whispered in her ear. She laughed, a good hearty laugh, while Joe playfully scowled at his brother. It felt so good to laugh that laugh. It was real and genuine, and she felt lighter than she had in weeks. She turned her head, giving Joe a kiss just like she had Kevin.

"I know we said no more apologies, but I feel the need to apologize for Sara and the yodelling."

Joe pulled a face. "Okay, you can apologize for that, because there was a moment or two there when I was scared. Still manly, but scared."

Kevin frowned. "But you weren't manly at all that day. In fact-"

"Whatever man!" Joe interrupted his brother before he could get too far. "The past is past! Leave it alone, looking onward and all that other stuff."

And suddenly Kevin was whispering all sorts of non-manly things that Joe had done in her ear while she laughed uncontrollably. Joe began to fight with his brother, and then retaliated by recounting some less than proud moments of Kevin's life. Her sides hurt from all the laughter, but she wouldn't stop them for the world. Both grinned at constantly, Joe jumping up to re-enact a particularly embarrassing escapade only to have Kevin tackle him. She was incoherent with laughter as she watched them roll across the atrium floor, both shouting how the event had actually gone, in their eyes, and fighting with one another over inaccuracies. So involved were the three of them in this ridiculous tussle that they didn't even notice Nick enter the room.

Macy felt a hand on her arm and before she could properly get herself under control, someone was yanking her to her feet. There were still tears on her face as she looked into Nick's eyes, noting the clash of emotions there. Quickly all other noise died down as Kevin and Joe realized their brother had arrived. Macy felt her laughter dry up in her throat as Nick gazed at her with such intensity. Joe sidled up to Nick, putting a hand on the younger brother's shoulder only to have it shrugged off. Nick only had eyes for Macy, and it was making her very uncomfortable.

"You threw cake at me," she managed to say.

Nick didn't even blink. "Did it make you mad?"

She tried her hand at a careless shrug, but was too tense to pull it off. "Maybe-a little."

He nodded, still ignoring his brother's suggestion to back off a bit. "Well, if you're going to be mad at me, then I figure I might as well give you something to actually be mad about."

And then he yanked her forward and pressed his lips against hers with brute force. She squeaked and heard Kevin and Joe give various surprised exclamations themselves. Nick ignored everyone, dropping his hand from her arm to clutch at her face fiercely. It was almost too rough to enjoy, and Macy could barely process what happened when suddenly Nick pulled away. And then, without another word, Nick picked up his bag and left the atrium.

Silence reigned, heavy and tense. Then Joe let out a low whistle:

"Wow. That was kind of messed up."

And like Stella before, Macy could only nod.

~*~


	7. Shaking Up

**A/N**: Hey everyone! Well, we're almost there. This story is coming to a close in about two more parts (and maybe an epilogue if one is needed). Thanks to all my reviewers: **Hope in three Jonas, Poet on the run, A Heart on my Hand, DarkSmile, MusicMaven09, suburbs, DiBye, anglhededhpster, ink-stained-frenzy, Lady Paine, JClayton, Brewk, Hey-Hayley,** and** Standard-Ang3l. **Your comments on the last two chapters were appreciated and really helpful. And as for the question on everyone's mind, is it Nacy or Vacy? (I'm not sure if Vacy is an established term, but I think it should be). Well, the answer is: read to find out!

*Gives evil laugh*

Reviews bake my cookies : )

~*~

~Shaking Up~

"Wow."

Macy swallowed a small scream of frustration before turning her head to glare at her best friend. Stella didn't even notice. She was too busy sitting at Macy's desk, gazing out of Macy's window with a shell-shocked expression on her face, to notice her friend's annoyance. Stella had been in this same position for about half an hour (the exact time Macy had finished telling her about The Kiss). And while Macy appreciated the need to take time to digest what happened, she didn't call Stella over here for that. She needed help.

"So he just-Wow."

She couldn't stop the growl this time. "Stella!" she shot up from her resting position on her bed and favoured her friend with a dark look. "Do you think you can offer something other than 'Wow' today?"

"I'm sorry!" The smirk on Stella's face didn't do much to reinforce her words. "I'm a little out of my depth here, Mace. I mean, I have known Nick Lucas for years! And this, this is not normal-not even for him. I'm pretty sure this isn't even normal for Joe-and usually he's the most immature."

Macy decided to ignore most of what was said, as it was all useless to her. Honestly, did Stella really not see the thing she has for Joe? She mentions him in almost every conversation! "Still not helping Stella."

"Look Macy, what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," Macy let loose another growl. "You know, I was just getting over this whole JONAS thing. Kevin and Joe gave me what had to be the best and most beautiful apology in the history of apologies. And I know that Nick helped them write that most beautiful apology-I shouldn't have a reason to be mad at him. But he just storms into my space and does-THAT! How is that supposed to make things better between us Stella? How am I supposed to react? What was he thinking?"

"I don't think that Nick's been doing that much thinking lately," Stella offered with a shrug. "And I know that what he did was just completely out-there, and nearly ruined the whole apology-make-up thing that you were doing with Kevin and Joe, but there's something to consider here."

"What?"

"Nick doesn't know what he's doing," Stella gave Macy a serious look. "And Nick always knows that he's doing. In the whole history of things Nick has done, this is the first time he's without a clue. His crush on you knocked him flat on his butt."

Macy winced at the mention of the word 'crush'. "Can we not call it that?" she asked grumpily. "It's too weird to call it that."

Stella shook her head. "Why?"

"Because, we're talking about me and a JONAS," Macy rolled her eyes. "I was the one with the crush. I was the one doing the strange and slightly inappropriate things. I was the one who had the monopoly on all the crazy in our relationship-"

"You think you and Nick have a relationship?"

There was a gleam in Stella's eye that Macy didn't like one bit. "I was encompassing all the boys in that relationship," she clarified, a look on her face that dared Stella to challenge her. "This thing with Nick and me-how come it's only coming up now? Am I the only one here a little upset that these so-called feelings only manifested themselves after Van Dyke showed interest in me? Before that Nick was all gloomy looks and superior smug smiles-"

"Actually, before that Nick was all 'is Macy okay yet?'; 'should I talk to Macy yet?'; 'I don't like that Macy's upset." Stella laughed at the suspicious look on Macy's face. "Listen, this all seems sudden to you, but it's not to me. Ever since The Incident, Nick has been hyper-aware of you. First I thought it was just because he was feeling guilty. But it was more than that. He was following you around the school, watching you take pains to avoid them. And then after the library debacle, he went to the game. When he was telling us what happened, he wasn't as mad about the fangirl sellout as I thought he would be. He was just focused on what you did during that match, what you must have been feeling, and how badly they must have hurt you. I started to get it right about then, even if he didn't get it. Joe and Kevin were clueless, and even though that's not all too rare, there is a reason for it. He's not acting like he usually does with a crush, but he's feeling the same way. It makes me think that it might be more than a crush. But you're right; it's not cool that he's only acting on it since you've been with Van Dyke, but I honestly think he didn't fully get it until that point."

Macy's heart sunk. It was a lot easier being mad at Nick when she didn't know the full story. "Stella!" she whined. "Why'd you have to say all that? Now I feel bad for feeling mad at Nick. And I shouldn't feel bad about feeling mad at Nick. I sort-of-maybe-might have a boyfriend."

"You and Van Dyke are that serious?"

"Well, I don't know," Macy gave an injured sniff. "But he's been amazing from the get-go. My God Stella, the boy is so sweet and caring, and he just gets me. I mean, we've barely had more than a handful of conversations before he asked me out, and it was like he already knew so much about me. It actually made me a little guilty that I never bothered to learn much about him. And he likes me! He likes crazy-JONAS-obsessed Macy Misa and he doesn't have a problem saying it aloud. Not to mention, saying it nicely."

"And those are all valid points," Stella assured her. "But I wouldn't be much of a best friend if I didn't ask you this: of the two, which one makes your heart beat faster? Which one is the one that's always on your mind? And which one, when you think about him, do you get that funny feeling down in the pit of your stomach?"

Macy didn't have an answer for these questions. Well, she had an answer; she just didn't want to say it. "Stella, the answers to those questions don't mean anything. I mean, how can I decide to end or start a relationship based on a few random physical reactions?"

"They are not random physical reactions, Miss Macy Misa," Stella declared, a slightly affronted look on her face. "These are key signals from your heart to your body. They only occur when the heart has a hard time making the same connection with the brain, because the brain is too busy being stubborn and angry to see what's going on with the heart. So, the heart finds someone else to confide in, and that's the rest of the body-usually the sweat glands."

"Ew," Macy wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"You're ignoring the big picture here, Macy," Stella laughed. "The point is, you can always like more than one guy. But there's usually always one that you _like_ more than others. And despite being mad at him, nothing's going to change the fact that he is the one that you _like_ like that."

"Like seriously?" Macy bugged her eyes and tried her hand at a valley-girl accent. Stella gave her a pointed look and Macy reluctantly stopped. "You know, I don't know if you're the best person to be talking to about this."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because you're so busy being logical and sensible that you're completely ignoring your responsibilities of commiserating with me and helping me invent new names to call Nick," Macy flopped back onto her bed, eyes back on her ceiling. "As a best friend, if I'm mad at Nick, you should be mad at Nick."

"Sounds like a crack theory to me," Stella giggled, shoving Macy over to the far side of the bed before settling down beside her. Both girls stared up at Macy's ceiling in companionable silence for a few minutes before Stella reached out and gave Macy's hand a comforting squeeze. "You don't have to like Nick back. It's not your responsibility to do that. But I think that if you just try to ignore things and not examine your true feelings, a lot of people are going to end up getting hurt. You keep saying Van Dyke is an awesome guy; and I think you're right. So, does an awesome guy like him deserve to have a girlfriend who might be in love with someone else?"

"I'm sixteen Stella," Macy muttered. "I don't think I'm capable of being in love with anyone."

"Macy, there isn't a time when you're more capable of falling in love than when you're sixteen," Stella nudged her with her elbow. "At least, that's what my mom always says. And I find that she's usually right in these cases."

It would have been a good time for some sort of smart comeback, but Macy was all out of those. She thought back to the day when Nick cornered her in the library and every time she had seen him since. He had been seeking her out, and that was unusual for Nick Lucas. In fact, he used to do a lot to avoid her (especially if she had sports equipment in hand), but now he was just everywhere. And she didn't mean physically. She had spent more time thinking (and stewing) about Nick Lucas these past three days than she had even thinking about Van Dyke and how awesome he was. It made her feel bad to think that while Van Dyke was being sweet and Nick was being a jerk, she still couldn't get her mind off the youngest JONAS member.

Stella was right; and heartbreakingly so. If Macy had feelings for both Nick and Van Dyke, she owed it to Van Dyke to at least figure out where the strongest of those feelings laid. He was too sweet to have a girlfriend who spent her time pining over another guy (not that Macy was pining over anyone just yet). And while it had been easy to lump her anger with Nick with her previous anger towards all of JONAS, she couldn't afford the luxury anymore. In all truth, Nick's actions were scaring her a little. Nick was the calm, cool, and collected one; for him to act so impulsively and so brashly-things must be pretty intense. His feelings for her must be that intense. And even though Macy wouldn't say it aloud, the very thought of The Kiss, and all the emotion behind it, made her heart start beating erratically . . .

"Earth to Macy," Stella waved a hand in front of Macy's eyes. The brunette blinked and looked at her friend in confusion for a few seconds. Stella had a slightly triumphant look on her face, though in her defence, she said nothing about what she probably knew that Macy was thinking. "Anyway, I just wanted to say this: whatever you decide to do, you better decide fast. Neither boy is going to wait forever."

Macy groaned and turned over to bury her head underneath her pillow. Since when had her life become so darn complicated? Stella laughed at her behaviour, pulling the pillow off of Macy's face. She laughed at Macy's disgruntled shout and threw her arms around her friend as Macy continued to whimper.

"Honestly Macy, only you would whine about having two gorgeous boys at your feet."

~*~

There was a good way of handling this situation. And then there was Macy's way of handling it.

It was getting kind of sad that the janitor was so used to her showing up early that he waited to open the doors for her. She tried to smile back at the kindly old man who held the door open for her, but she didn't think she pulled it off all that well. Her mind was too busy thinking of other things (fine, Nick-related things) and her emotions were kind of all over the map (the map of anger). She didn't have the ability to smile properly, not just yet.

It seemed like her anger with all of JONAS had taken place forever ago, even though she technically only forgave them yesterday. But with all the stuff with Nick and The Kiss and the (non-helpful) conversation with Stella, yesterday felt like ages ago. She wasn't even surprised when her phone rang early in the morning and she discovered Kevin on the other end. What she was surprised to discover was the news the eldest Lucas had for her.

Honestly, who did Nick think he was? Going to school insanely early to plot out ways of avoiding people you felt awkward around was something that she did. Given all the practice she's had these past weeks, Macy had the strategy down to a science (ignoring the one time the brothers outwitted her and forced a conversation).

And why was he hiding? He couldn't hide on her. She had things to tell (shout at) him. She hadn't gotten any sleep the night before because she had been so busy thinking of things to say (shriek at) him. Stella had suggested she write it down, to organize her thoughts like the Lucas brothers had done for their apology to her (still the most beautiful apology in the world-even if one-third of it became from a butthead). She agreed and began to scribble stuff down. But then Stella read it, claimed it not safe for children, and shredded it. Before her friend left that night she had given Macy explicit instructions to write a friendly version of the things she had to say to Nick. Macy met with little success on that part, but she did give it a go. But when Kevin called, Macy had forgotten all about her nice discussion topics in her sudden rush of indignation.

Seriously, first the guy steals all the crazy from her (and she was all the crazy in their dynamic) and now he was stealing her pathetic-people-avoiding strategies. This had to be some sort of creative plagiarism, or a really weird slap of karma. Either way, it was going to stop.

She liked to say that she slipped through the halls with stealth and grace, but she would be lying. Macy stomped and stalked her way through Horace Mantis, looking in every place she could think to find Nick Lucas.

It was a fluke to find him in the gym. She had gone to dump her bag at her locker after her third tour of the school (Nick was being annoyingly elusive and she didn't need her Algebra textbook weighing her down). Her eyes skimmed over the gym's windows and then her head swung that way when she spied a suspiciously familiar mop of curly brown hair.

She found him. And there wasn't anywhere for him to run now that she had him (she was all-star at track for a reason). And after she relished her small victory quietly, Macy focused on her prey. Whatever anger she had been harvesting since that morning dissipated as soon as she saw the miserable look on Nick's face. He looked lost and desperately unhappy.

Frustrated that her anger was gone (not to mention feeling guilty because she was starting to feel responsible for this whole mess), Macy contemplated the gym doors. She could just leave him. He was obviously not in the mood for company, and he had a lot of things that he needed to think over. It probably would be better for her to leave now and try this later, after they both had some time to think.

But since this was the most sympathetic she had been feeling towards Nick Lucas in almost four weeks, she decided not to pass the opportunity by. She heaved a great big sigh, squared her shoulders, and then pushed her way into the gym. He glanced up at the sound of the doors opening, and the shocked look on his face was priceless. She felt a smug smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She let that smile curved her lips upwards when she finally came to a stop directly in front of Nick.

He dropped his eyes immediately, his gaze trained on his shoes. She decided to give him a moment to recover (and give herself time to think-what should she say at this point?). But the moment quickly turned into two minutes, which stretched into five, and then Macy was tired of waiting.

"Not talking to me won't change the fact that I'm here."

It felt kind of liberating to throw his exact words in his face. And Macy would have relished in it if she didn't realize how the whole situation was a complete one-eighty from a few days ago. Van Dyke's advice started floating around in the back of her mind and suddenly the dark look on Nick's face made perfect sense. Nick was angry at her, not because she had done anything, but because she made him feel (and act) stupid.

"Oh Nick."

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop him. He did look up at her now, eyes blazing with fury. He shot to his feet so fast that she had to take a step back. She took in the look on his face, the way his chest heaved with barely contained rage, and knew that her eyes were as wide as saucers. In that second, just looking at him, Macy felt herself be a little small under the weight of Nick's intensity.

"Don't!" he growled at her. "Don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine. I will be just fine, as soon as this THING passes. But you, oh you-"

Okay, sympathy gone and anger back in full force. "What about me, Nick Lucas?"

He stepped right up to her, his nose mere inches from her own. But she didn't blink, she wouldn't budge. Macy Misa does not back down from anyone-not even a JONAS.

"You are still going to be the same, Macy Misa, deluding herself by hanging onto the likes of Van Dyke Tosh!" Nick made a face, as if Van Dyke's name was a bad taste in his mouth. "You're going to on and on with this guy just because he's the only one who ever showed you a little attention-"

"Not a little attention," Macy interjected, raising a finger and sharply poking Nick's chest. "A lot of attention. A lot of nice attention. With roses and hugs and talking to my mother and not flinching away from my father. And talking to me, when I was at my lowest, and making me remember that there's nothing wrong with being who I am. And for listening-just listening-to me rant and rave and actually having something productive to say about it other than 'get over it Macy'! So don't you dare start going off about Van Dyke Tosh. He is probably the sweetest, the coolest, the most attentive boy at this school and I should be happy that he's even interested in me!"

"Then be happy about it!" Nick shouted at her.

"I would be if you hadn't kissed me like that!"

"Well then you're going to hate this!"

And then Macy found herself in the same position she had been in yesterday. Nick was in her space, his lips crushed against her, and his hands gripping tightly at her. But things were exactly as they had been yesterday. Today, his hands weren't on her face. His left hand was resting on her hip while his right arm snaked around her ribcage and up her back to allow his right hand to tangle itself in her hair. He was more forceful than yesterday; he gripped her so hard that it was painful.

Oh, and today, she was kissing him back.

~*~


	8. Breaking Up

**A/N:** Here we are, upon the precipice! Thanks for being so patient about the delay between chapters 6 and 7 (too much work and so little time for fun), and I'm glad to be back with what is going to be the second to last chapter! Thanks again to all my reviewers: **anglhededhpster, Poet on the Run, DiBye, DarkSmile, Lady Paine, .Cool.** And Beth, thanks for the feedback; I'm taking it all under consideration and hopefully you'll like the way the next few chapters go.

Remember, reviews feed the muse, and that's good for all parties!

~Breaking Up~

She needed to stop crying at school.

This enlightening train of thought snuck up on her during first period, when she was hiding out in the girls' washroom instead of being in class. She had barricaded herself in the last stall, put down the seat, pulled up her legs, and hid out from the world as she cried. She had heard a few other girls out by the sinks before the first bell. She could tell they were wondering who was in the last stall and why she was crying. But luckily no one had thought to go alert a teacher or administrator to the fact that someone was weeping in the girls' washroom.

The tears had come quickly at first, and come combined with all the usual grossness that accompanies a good cry (running nose, bloodshot eyes, and those long, stringy bits of saliva that clung to your lips as you took in one gasping breath after the next). They had petered off about fifteen minutes after the first bell, but hadn't disappeared altogether. She had regained some calm, wiped off most of the mess on her face, and was now just rocking back and forth while the occasional tear leaked out.

She used to dream about getting together with a member of JONAS. It never used to matter which one, the boys were pretty interchangeable in her imagination. But the way she got together with one of them was always the same. There would be small, secretive smiles. They would stare at each other all the time, blushing furiously whenever their eyes met. He would approach her by her locker one day, shyness evident in every move he made. Just being in her presence would make him tongue-tied, and she would be the same. After a few awkward attempts at conversation, they would both realize what was happening and share a good laugh. Sometime during that laugh, he would calm, look at her with soulful eyes, and politely ask her to dinner that night. She would blush and stutter, but agree. Stella would come over before the date, make her impossibly beautiful, and when he came to pick her up, he would be speechless. During their date, he would charming and attentive. He would hold her chair out for her, ask her things about her day or her sports, and then show her the new song he had written for her. It would be beautiful and heart-warming (and usually it would be "Love Bug"), and she would sigh and proclaim it to be the most amazing thing she ever heard. And then, he would kiss her. It would be soft and sweet, and he would cup her face gently before pouring all his desire into that kiss. She would be left breathless, her heart almost bursting, and then-well, then she would usually wake up.

Today had been just like that, only a far more rude awakening than she could have imagined. Today she had gotten to live her dream. A JONAS had kissed her and she had kissed him back. But it wasn't sweet, it wasn't soft, and though it felt good at the time, it didn't make her heart feel like it would burst from emotion. Rather, it had made her heart crack and splinter until it felt like the whole organ would disintegrate and fall into a small pile of rubbish in the bottom of her stomach. The kiss she had gotten (and participated in) had been rough, intense, and curiously empty, because the second they pulled away, Nick grabbed his things and took off again. She had let him go (because seriously, what could she say now?) and sat in the seat he had previously vacated. It occurred to her the last time she had been alone with a boy in the gym was when Van Dyke asked her out. The memory of that day (and of Van Dyke's smiling face) combined with her unhappiness over the kiss and suddenly Macy Misa wasn't angry; she was heartbroken.

It wasn't just that her dreams didn't match reality. It was also that she had kissed a boy while she was technically involved with another boy. A sweeter boy who didn't deserve to have mushy feelings about a girl who kissed other boys behind his back. And to make matters worse, that beautiful dream sequence about the perfect kiss, she could have had that. Van Dyke wasn't a member of JONAS, but he could have given her that amazing moment (minus the song, of course). He was obviously the better choice of boyfriend. He tried to make her feel better when she was down, he listened when she had things on her mind, and when he realized he liked her, Van Dyke told her to her face. He didn't have a problem showing people that he liked Macy Misa. He didn't have a problem with giving her flowers, giving her hugs, and, if it hadn't been for Nick, he would have had no problem with kissing her in the cafeteria, in front of the whole school. Van Dyke didn't see anything wrong with liking Macy Misa. And he certainly never referred to his feelings as a THING that needed to be overcome.

She heard the telltale sounds of the door opening. Macy pulled her legs closer to her chest and closed her eyes. She tried being as silent as possible so hopefully the person on the other side would be quick and leave Macy alone with her misery once again.

"Macy Misa, I know you're in here."

It would have to be Stella. Macy's eyes snapped open and she listened to the sounds of her friend tapping on every stall to try and discover her hiding spot. She didn't have to bother. As soon as Macy recovered from her shock, she was jumping to her feet and throwing open the stall door. Stella barely had time to turn around to face her when Macy launched herself into her friend's arms. Stella squeaked and stumbled for a second, but then realized that Macy was practically shaking from the tears. The blonde recovered, put her arms around her friend, and just held her close.

Without any prompting from Stella, the words poured out of Macy's mouth. The whole story, from when Kevin called her to the horrible moments after the kiss. It all came tumbling out and Macy was berating herself for being a horrible person with dated one boy while secretly kissing another boy. And then about how unfair the whole situation was. Van Dyke was sweet, Nick was angry. Van Dyke was gentle, Nick was rough and sometimes scary. Van Dyke thought she was awesome, Nick equated her with a sort of nasty illness that he just needed to get past before feeling okay again. Van Dyke liked her, she suspected that Nick was embarrassed to even be thinking about her. And Van Dyke was there, Nick always left.

"Oh Macy," Stella had no words of comfort. Macy only responded with more tears and she tightened her embrace on her friend. Stella returned the gesture, resting her hand on Macy's back and patted it soothingly.

When the tears finally stopped, both girls pulled back from each other. Macy was well aware that she must look a mess. The pity on Stella's face showed her how bad her state must be. She used both hands to wipe away the tears on her cheeks. Stella wordlessly dug a pack of tissues out of her purse and handed them over. Soon both girls were over by the sinks, Macy wiping her face clean while Stella tried her hand at fixing her friend's hair. They worked in silence for a few minutes. Once she had done what she could for Macy's hair, Stella began to pull makeup out of her purse. Macy wordlessly grabbed items as they appeared and started work on making her appearance less of a total disaster.

"Macy," Stella stopped herself before she could say anything further. She looked to the ground and then finally back up at her friend. "Macy, are you sure that Nick meant what you think he meant?"

Macy gave a hollow chuckle. "He said he would be fine once this THING passes. That's exactly what he said. This supposed crush where he has true feelings for me? He calls it the THING. Gotta tell you Stella, not exactly the words I was expecting to hear."

"Mace, maybe we should-"

"No!" Macy slammed her hands down on the counter. "No more Stella! You keep saying that because he's different that must mean it's for real. But how can it be? With that Penny girl, he wrote her a love song! And he was practically dancing in the halls after he talked to her. He can be sweet-I've seen him be sweet with lots of other people. So why, if he's got this big old crush on me, why is he being so hard? Am I really such an undesirable choice for a girlfriend that he would rather run off after he kisses me than to actually talk about this whole situation? Maybe you're the one misreading him this time. Maybe he does have a crush on me, but he's not happy about it. He's disgusted by it."

"Macy, that is not true," Stella had steel in her voice. She grabbed her friend by the shoulders and turned her around so Macy would have to look Stella in the eyes. "I agree he's not being cool about this. And I agree that if he really feels so deeply that he should find a way of saying it. And I understand that calling his feelings a 'THING' was a horribly stupid thing to say. But Nick is not disgusted by his feelings for you. You may not want to believe me, but I'm telling you this: I've known that boy since we were little kids. I know how his freakishly complicated mind works. He's lashing out because this thing with you and Van Dyke hurt him far deeper than he thought it could. Macy, you are a wonderful girl and Nick knows that. Why do you think he even started liking you in the first place?"

"But-"

"No more buts Macy!" Stella gave her a little shake this time. "Listen to me-I am your best friend and I would not lie to you about this. Nick likes you and he would be darn lucky and unbelievably happy if he was with you. But he's not with you, because he thinks you're with Van Dyke, and so he's miserable."

"But I kissed him back," Macy reminded her, blinking back a new batch of tears. "I kissed him back and he still left!"

Stella shook her head. "Macy, you said his intensity was scaring you, right?" Stella waited for her nod before continuing. "Maybe you should consider that it's scaring him a little too. Please Macy, don't write him off because he's not emotionally mature enough to handle being in love. Just, give him some time, give yourself some time. Believe me, I wouldn't ask you for this if I thought this was a bad idea. You two obviously have deep feelings for each other; it's just been tangled up with all this other drama. He's a good guy Macy, and I really think you two could work. But you need to step back and clean up some of this other mess before you approach this again."

Macy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She trusted Stella, she did. Her heart was just too bruised to try for hope just now. And not just because of Nick Lucas. But because of what she had to do now.

She opened her eyes and gave Stella a sad look. "He would have been a great boyfriend," she whispered softly. "But it's not fair to him, is it?"

Stella sighed and gave a small nod. "He will be a great boyfriend. Just not yours."

Macy sniffled and felt her heart dip once more. "Just not mine."

~*~

It was after school and Macy was waiting patiently by her locker. Most of her fellow students had vacated the school about an hour ago. Macy had volleyball practice and so she stayed later. Her mind had been as clouded as ever, but she was tired of letting her problems tie her down. For that one hour of practice, Macy just pushed everything back and focused on her game. It was a far better practice than the ones that had come before. Coach (and quite a few of her teammates) was ecstatic to see her back in top form. A few begrudging smiles escaped her as the numerous shouts of 'good to see Macy back' and 'about time girl' came at her from all sides. It felt good to have just a little bit of her old self back. She actually got to thinking that this whole thing might not be so hard after all.

And then practice ended and she remembered that Van Dyke was meeting her after. Her good mood flew out the window and by the time he wandered up to her locker, she felt the tears threatening to return.

God, he was just too sweet! She didn't deserve his kindness. She was a horrible girl; she was a cheater. What kind of girl would willingly ruin her chances with a guy like this?

"Hey," he gave her a small smile, one that dropped when she didn't return the sentiment. "Everything okay?"

The concern in his voice was too much. She was crying again and he was trying to comfort her and then the whole, horrible truth came out. She felt him stiffen when she finally blurted out her confession and she dared to look up. He should have looked angry; she could have handled him looking angry. But he didn't. He just looked sad. And that made her feel like dirt.

"Macy, it's okay," he murmured over her never-ending string of apologies. "It's okay, I get it. I kind of knew from before I asked you out that this might happen. Just kind of hoped it wouldn't, but you can't fight fate, right?"

Huh? She pulled back from him, a confused look on her face. He smiled softly, wiping at her left cheek before continuing. "Well, it was a rebound, right? I know you never actually dated any of them, but that whole thing was JONAS was a pretty intense relationship, wasn't it? You know Macy, I don't think you ever stop to think about what the rest of the world thought of you. I mean, it's cute and half of the reason why so many people like you, but you never realized how awesome people think you are. You were always too modest to notice it, I guess. But while you had your head full of JONAS, you had quite a group of admirers as well. None of us ever thought we would get a chance, especially when those guys showed up here. But hey, there was a lull in the Macy-JONAS saga, and though I always knew it wouldn't last, I couldn't help but swoop in for my chance. But it really was fate after all. You and JONAS, the two things always went hand-in-hand. And having known you for so long, I just got to say, it was only a matter time before this happened. Even without the whole singing thing, eventually one of those rock stars would have realized the greatness that is Macy Misa."

Macy felt like someone had smacked her in the face with a shovel. "I kissed Nick behind your back, and you're still talking about how awesome I am?" she shook her head as more tears came forward. "Do you even realize how amazing you are?"

"Sure, but I don't want to seem cocky," he gave her a wide grin. "Macy, don't be ashamed of what happened with Nick. If you really like the guy, then you're doing both of us a favour by admitting it."

She shook her head again. "Seriously! What are you, some sort of saint?"

He laughed loudly at that and pulled her into a hug. "Saint Van Dyke? Nah, sounds horrible."

She squeezed him tightly for a second before pulling back to give him a watery smile. "Maybe we could come up with something better. Van Dyke the Amazing?"

"Sounds like a magician."

"Van Dyke the Sweet."

"You know, I do play football. Leave me some manly pride."

"Van Dyke, the Walking Personification of Awesomeness."

He perked up at that one. "Think we could find someone to put that on my jersey?"

Macy laughed and hugged him again. "I've a got a girl."

~*~


	9. Up, Up, and Away!

A/N: _This is the end, the end of our story. Oh this is the end, the end of our story . . ._ Okay, I heard that on an episode of Animanics when I was younger and it always floats around my brain when I get to the end of a story. And here we are! Thanks to all my reviewers (**ink-stained-frenzy, DarkSmile, CatWak, xxxVICTORIAxxx, anglhededhpters, and JClayton**-sorry if I forgot anyone). Thanks for all the support and love you guys. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

~Up, Up, and Away!~

She would like to say that she had been contemplating the universe or something equally as deep when she was interrupted, but it would be a lie. In reality, while she sat there in the empty cafeteria, a good hour before the start of school, all she was trying to do was find a way of not thinking about the one thing she had trouble not thinking about. It had been a week since The Second Kiss and she was back to avoiding JONAS (well, one-third of JONAS because Joe and Kevin were having none of her avoidance nowadays). And while before she deluded herself into believing that all her avoiding was a good thing, she couldn't quite manage it this time.

It was obscenely unfair that she should be plagued with so many regrets about a relationship that had never really happened. And despite Stella's assurance that things would get better once everyone had time to mull the situation over, Macy didn't see this ending happily. Well, since it technically never started it couldn't end, but the general sentiment was the same. She was avoiding Nick, who was avoiding her, and that made her so miserable she ended up sneaking in school hours before her peers so she could stare forlornly at all the empty lunch tables. This behaviour was so utterly pathetic that Macy was really glad that the school was deserted and no one was ever around to see her act so lame.

So when the crumpled dollar bill hit the tabletop and bounced its way over to her folded hands, she was two parts surprised and one part sheepish. She raised her head timidly, almost afraid of who she was going to find there. There was the possibility that it was Stella, who had the best mopey-best-friend radar in the world. There was even the possibility that it was Van Dyke, who was still pretty sweet for a guy that got dumped for an imaginary relationship with a guy who wasn't even nice enough to acknowledge Macy's existence (there was also some bitterness lining her unhappiness these days).

But the possibility that it would be Joe Lucas standing there, smirking at her from his spot just in front of her table, hadn't even crossed her mind. She was so surprised to see him there that her mind blanked completely. She couldn't even muster a greeting. She just watched mutely as he chuckled at her before sliding into the spot next to her. He bumped against her playfully and nodded at the crumpled dollar bill she now held in her hands.

"Dollar for your thoughts," he said cheerfully.

She blinked and looked between him and the dollar. "Huh?"

"I know it's supposed to be penny, but Mr. Reynolds was covering inflation in class yesterday," Joe explained. "I figured 'penny for your thoughts' was a pretty old adage and that with inflation it probably came to about a dollar nowadays. So, a dollar for your thoughts."

She couldn't help but laugh at his antics. She smoothed out the dollar with her hands, looking sideways to give him a teasing grin. "A dollar? Inflation or not Joe Lucas, the sparkling pearls of wisdom that float around in my mind are worth far more than a dollar."

"We can work out a payment plan later," Joe quipped without missing a beat. "The most important thing right now is the thought. So stop trying to distract me and spill it. What's got Macy Misa hiding out in the school cafeteria so early?"

She sighed, the mirth leaving her as quickly as it had come. "You really don't know Joe? Or is this some weird Stella manoeuvre to get me to talk about Nick some more?"

"Hey, I don't always mindlessly follow Stella's lead," Joe tried to look affronted, but couldn't quite keep the smile off his face. "I have been known to have an original thought myself, every now and then. Now granted I'm no Kevin, with his goofy charm and incredibly out there sensitivity towards chipmunks, but I am your friend. So this whole cornering you in the cafeteria thing is totally my own brain-child and derived solely from my concern that this thing with Nick has driven you both batty."

The smile on her face was small, but spoke volumes. Joe threw an arm around her shoulders and Macy leaned into him slightly. Dropping her head onto his shoulder, Macy was pleasantly surprised to find herself very comfortable there. This friendship thing with Kevin and Joe was coming along nicely.

"And as overwhelming it must be for you to be able to hang all over my awesome body, I don't want you to get distracted," Joe said while giving her an affectionate squeeze. "You going to talk to me, Macy Misa?"

"I would love to talk to you, Joe Lucas," she replied smoothly. "If only I knew what to say. I'm here thinking about Nick, who's probably at home thinking of ways to avoid me. I sort of wish I was still angry with him. Then his avoidance wouldn't matter to me much, and my avoidance would make much more sense. But the thing is, even if I wasn't avoiding and he wasn't avoiding, what would we do? Things have just gotten so out of focus."

"Hmm," Joe playfully stoked his chin. "I see your dilemma here. Do you confront Nick and have another insanely tense bout of tongue-wrestling? Or do you avoid him in the hopes that your avoidance will finally clue him into the fact that you have better things to do than wait around for Nick Lucas to get his act together?"

"Which would work if I actually had better things to do than wait around for Nick to get his act together," Macy muttered sadly. "Unfortunately, I broke things off with Van Dyke because of the whole thing with Nick-"

"Tongue-wrestling with two boys probably would have been a bad way to go," Joe interjected with a sage nod.

Macy lifted her head off his shoulder and gave him a look. "Could we not call if that, please? It sounds way naughtier than it actually is."

Joe's eyes lit up. "It was naughty in any way? Ooh, Macy, do tell."

"Is this your idea of helping?"

"No-well yeah. This is my first attempt at consoling a friend of the female origin. Well, I have consoled Stella from time to time, but that's different. Anyway, I have a short attention span and sometimes it's better if we just get to the meat of the matter before I go running headfirst into the first tangent than presents itself."

Macy giggled and gave Joe a little push. "You're horrible."

"And you're trying to distract me again," Joe gave her a mock glare. "I am onto you now, Misa. Spill the beans girlie, before I have to get all tough and drag it out of you."

She smiled at his words, but the heavy weight on her heart started getting worse. Joe was being sweet by trying to talk to her about this, but she wasn't sure what to tell him. She wasn't sure there _was_ anything to tell him. She hadn't seen Nick since The Second Kiss and she certainly hadn't come to any better understanding of what to do. Things were just as frustratingly complicated as they had been last week. She liked Nick (the kissing being the most obvious sign of that) but she was still miffed by his actions. Why was it so hard for him to just stick around after kissing her?

"Macy?" All the humour was gone from Joe's voice. She looked at him and saw the concern on his face. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "He's your brother, Joe. Tell me, what should I do? He won't talk to me, he calls his feelings a THING, and every time we get close, he rushes off before I can formulate a sentence. And now, after spending a week avoiding him because he's been avoiding me, all I can say is that I'm still confused and more than a little hurt. Am I not good enough, Joe?"

"What?" Joe's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean, not good enough? Macy, don't ever think that! You're more than good enough. You're great! And if my brother wasn't such an idiot, which by the way was surprising since he's supposed to be an almost-genius, he would be telling you that himself."

"But he's not," Macy sighed. "Everyone keeps saying that it's just a matter of time, but I don't think so. There's no love songs, no nice words, no warm gestures-"

"Is that what you want? A love song?"

"No! Well, not exactly. It's not about the song Joe. It's about him just saying it out loud. Him just showing it in some way. I mean, we've all been putting words into his mouth, Stella especially, and while I on some level that it's true, it's not the same. If he can't show that he likes me, or even acknowledge in some way that he does, doesn't that mean he can't really like me all that much?"

Joe blinked a few times, a dazed expression on his face. "I think this train of thought left me at the last station," he murmured, shaking his head slightly. "Listen Macy, I don't want to say just give him more time. Honestly, if it was any other guy, I think all of us would tell you to forget it. His actions don't say much about who he really is. But he is my brother, and I do know him pretty well. So I know this could be a good thing, if only he's smart enough to get over his pride and actually get the thing started. But I think all those things that you're getting hung up on are half the problem."

Now Macy was lost. "Huh?"

"Well, I know everyone thinks Nick is so deep and in touch with his feelings because of the songs that he writes," Joe said with a roll of his eyes. "But what most people don't get is that Nick isn't the most expressive person in the world. Sure we're rock stars and it's easy to let our thoughts show through our songs. And yeah, he can write love songs when he's got a crush on some girl because it is just a crush. Crushes are simple; they come and they go pretty fast. And that head rush you get when you first get a crush, it's easy to write about because it's always the same. But love-that's really hard. Love isn't nice and simple. It's complicated and it has ups and downs and sometimes you love love but other times you hate it. It makes you happy, sad, angry, frustrated, and sometimes it makes you those things all at the same time. It's not easy putting that into words, especially not rhyming words."

Macy was sort of impressed. "Joe, that was kind of deep."

He gave her a wink. "Hey, it was bound to happen sometime."

She giggled but stopped quickly. "So what should I do?"

"I think that you should go on being happy Macy, because you're good at it," Joe playfully ruffled her hair. "And not mope about Nick so much. He's going to understand it sometime, and then he can work on expressing it. Don't make yourself miserable on his account Macy. This whole thing is his problem. There's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with liking you. You go on and do the things that make Macy Misa happy, and if my brother is half as smart as our mother claims he is, he's going to get some clarity and finally stop being such a total toerag about this."

Macy laughed, and this time she meant it. The weight on her heart seemed to lighten just a bit as she favoured Joe Lucas with her first 100% happy-Macy smile in weeks.

"Now that's what I'm talking about. Hey, you think they got any food back there? Being all deep and stuff has made me kind of hungry?"

~*~

Two weeks passed and Macy took Joe's advice to heart. She stopped trying to avoid Nick, but she didn't necessarily do anything to find him either. Joe was right; this was something Nick needed to figure out on his own.

But she wasn't going to be miserable while he worked on that. Yeah it kind of hurt that he couldn't find the words to say what he was feeling. And yeah, her heart did ache sometimes because now that she was being truthful with herself, she kind of missed him. Incredibly childish behaviour aside, there was a part of her that was yearning just to be around Nick. And so while he was off trying to muddle his way through his emotions, she was left hanging, but she wasn't going to let that dictate her life. She might not be as happy as she could be. Her smile might not be as bright as it should be. And she might still shed a few tears about it every night before she went to bed, but Joe was right. None of this should stop her from enjoying the things that she did have going for her. She had her sports, she had her friends, and she had her family. She could spare a few moments of happiness for all those things.

She was indulging in one of those moments when it finally happened. She was just on her way out of the building after a very rewarding basketball practice (Coach was insanely glad to have her star athlete back in top form) when a hand appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her arm.

Now Macy wasn't usually a violent person, but she wasn't stupid either. Her father had sat her down just shy of her ninth birthday and talked to her about martial arts.

"_Daddy can't be everywhere all the time, for the rest of your life. So if you keep on insisting on being as pretty as you are, Daddy's going to need you to do something for him."_

Her mother hadn't been all that impressed with the speech, but Macy loved it because it was exactly something her father would say. And besides, what little girl didn't like being told she was pretty?

Macy had gone into martial arts with the same dedication she had for her sports. And she did as well there as she did on the field. So when that mysterious hand grabbed at her, the owner didn't realize what a terrible mistake he was making. It was dark, there was no one around, and Macy was sometimes just a little freaked out when she found herself alone in a deserted school parking lot. When that hand grabbed her, she just flew into action without taking even a second to consider finding out who that hand belonged to.

Five seconds later, Macy was breathing heavy and staring at the crumpled body in front of her with some trepidation. The guy had his back to her, and the lighting in the parking lot wasn't as great as it could be. But when the guy began to moan and shift around, Macy began to realize who her would-be attacker really was. She noticed the shoes first, then the school uniform that had Stella's fingerprints all over it, and finally the tell-tale mop of dark curly hair.

"Oh my God! Nick!"

The boy in question just rolled over onto his back and gave her a tired look. "Do you pummel all the boys like this, or am I just special?"

She felt a flash of irritation and offered him her hand. "Well, since you're the only boy stupid enough to sneak up on me in the dark, maybe you kind of deserved it."

"I'm sure you have lots to say on the things I deserve," Nick returned wryly, accepting her hand and scrambling to his feet. She let go as soon as he was on his feet, but he didn't let go of her hand. She paused, looking down at their joined hands. Her stomach started swirling with a mess of feelings and she had to take a deep sigh to steady herself. She tugged on her hand, but he still didn't let go.

"Nick, please," she murmured, pulling on her hand just a bit.

"Sorry," was all he had to say, but he didn't sound sorry at all. She felt some tears prick her tears and forcibly pushed them back. It took a lot of willpower for her to raise her eyes, but she managed to do it. She saw him standing there, barely visible in all the poor lighting, and felt her heart start to ache all over again.

"Nick, please," she said again, some strain in her voice. "I can't do this again. If you just leave me, again, I'll-Please, Nick. Just let me go."

"I probably should, but I don't think that's going to happen." He stepped closer, hand still tightly clasping hers. She couldn't take looking him in the eyes, so she dropped hers down to focus on the HMA crest on his jacket. The air was heavy with tension and even though this could be the moment she had been waiting for, past experience told her it could just be another spectacular let-down.

"Nicholas Lucas, I want you to hear me," Macy said forcefully. "You have better have thought long and hard about this. And you better make it good. Because I promise you, if you do it wrong, if you leave me hanging again-that's it. I won't be a part of this anymore. I can't-it's not worth the heartache."

His voice was rough, full of some nameless emotion. She knew what she wanted that emotion to be, but she wasn't going to let herself hope. Not just yet. "That's fair enough."

She nodded mutely and they just stood there for a few tense moments, holding hands and standing ridiculously close to one another. Just a step more and she could bury her face into his chest, wrap her arms around his waist, and just press herself against him. She fought the urge and barely won. This had to be about him; he had to do it just right. She couldn't just jump into his arms as if all was forgiven. He needed to be able to say it.

"I didn't write you a song," was what he said. Macy felt her heart constrict painfully for a second, but she stayed quiet. He continued on after a brief pause. She wasn't sure if he was trying to collect his thoughts or waiting for her to react in some way. But soon he was talking again. "I didn't write you a song because I haven't written anything in weeks. I can't write about you, not that I haven't tried. But it's like every time I tried to put you down in words, the entire English language flew right out of my head and I had nothing. I've never had nothing. My head is always full of something, but you-you just deprive me of everything. There aren't words strong enough, deep enough, complex enough, or even flattering enough for you. I have nothing to say even though I've been dying to find some way of saying something. It took all this time for me to even come up with something to start with, and it's so lame that I'm embarrassed that I thought of it."

She spoke before she could stop herself. "What was it?"

He let loose a strangled laugh. "It was 'I'm sorry for throwing cake at you'."

"Oh."

"But I'm not sorry about throwing it at Van Dyke," he said in a rush. "He deserved it, because he was going to do something that if he did it, I thought I would have to hurt him for doing. But he was going to do it anyway, and you were going to let him. It was like my feelings didn't matter, not that you knew my feelings, and at the end of the day Kevin had to explain to me that I was being irrational. Kevin! Kevin had to explain something to me! It was like the whole world had gone crazy. But it turns out it was just me."

And if he didn't get to the point, _she_ was going to go crazy. "Nick-"

"I know, I know," he interrupted her. "Just let me-I know. I shouldn't have called it a THING. I don't have an excuse other than that I was angry. I was angry because I was hurting and you didn't seem to understand how much I was hurting. And then I was even angrier because if you weren't so you then I would have the words to explain it. And you were still with HIM and I just lost my mind. I figured if you were hurting me without knowing it then at least I should hurt you while knowing it. And before you say anything, I know that's horrible. I just couldn't stop myself."

"You left me."

A deep sigh. "I know, I'm-sorry doesn't even cover it. But Macy, when we kissed-I swear it was like I had gone crazy all over again. It was just so-and you were just so-you see! I've been thinking and stewing and ranting for weeks and I still don't have the words! You're beyond words Macy!"

"Then just show me!" she shouted at him. "Show me, and don't just leave me again!"

His hand let go of hers and suddenly he had her by both shoulders. He pulled her right up against him and she felt herself start to shake. But the kiss never came. Instead his arms went around her and he buried his face in her hair. She could feel him take long, shuddering breaths and her knees started feeling like they were made of something slightly weaker than Jello. Her legs buckled and she stumbled. He just gripped her harder, holding her up against him and keeping his face in her hair.

They stayed locked like that for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. The lighting was poor, but finally she could see his face clearly. Her hands went up of their own volition and soon she was tracing the outlines of his face with her fingers. He shut his eyes and pulled her close once more. She could barely breathe he held her so tight.

"Macy, if I had the words, they would be the most beautiful words in the world," he whispered. "They would make the most perfect song in the world and every time you heard it, you would feel for me exactly what I feel for you. And every time I sang it I would fall right back in love with you."

She gasped when he finally said it. The tears she held back came rushing forth now and her hands held his face tightly before she yanked him down. Her lips met his with a hunger that she had barely given voice to these past weeks and he deepened the kiss so forcefully that she forgot to be scared of his intensity and was for once in awe of it. Her hands moved up into his hair, fingers gripping those beautiful curls harshly before loosening in the end. She pulled back only when her lungs screamed for air and he moaned at the loss of contact. She dropped her head, buried her face in his chest like she had wanted to before, and finally cried her first batch of happy tears in almost two months.

"Macy-" he sounded so uncertain. She laughed into his chest and then shook her head lightly.

"Just-show me again."

She felt his grin instead of actually seeing it. Nick's fingers gently pushed her chin up and then he showed her again.

And again.

~*~

**The End.**

_**PSST! Anyone interested in a Nick version of Losing Neverland?**_


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